Jilted Jock - Rebecca Jenshak Page 0,80

night before I fell asleep. They were proof of that wild, crazy love I thought wasn’t possible for me before I’d met him.

Finn loved big and reckless. I had no doubt that he would fight to be with me no matter the cost. From his relationship with Cindy to the way he’d been with me, Finn was loyal to a fault. When he gave himself to someone, he did it wholly and completely. He was blind to the red flags or maybe just so damn stubborn he thought he could charge through them.

Either way, I knew that his love for me was so big he’d keep loving me even if it wasn’t what was best for him. I couldn’t bear that.

I’d made the wrong choice once before and hated myself for it. So, though I was going back to California, I needed to know if being together was what was best for both of us before I faced him. I needed to be one hundred percent certain.

I needed a sign.

A van pulled up to the curb and a group piled out. Each one was dirtier than the last, clothes wrinkled and large backpacks in tow. When the smell of wood smoke drifted off them, I smiled.

“Just get done camping?” I asked the girl who came through the open door of the BnB first.

“Yes, five nights of sleeping on the ground and I need a real bed.”

A guy with red hair and a sunburnt face that nearly matched came up behind her and kissed her cheek. “Need I remind you that this was your idea?”

She scrunched up her nose. “Worst idea ever.” But as he headed past us to the check-in counter, I could see she didn’t mean it.

“I surprised him with a camping trip for his fortieth birthday. We’re only stopping here to rest up because tomorrow I booked a rock-climbing excursion that’s going to blow his mind.” She squealed quietly and then fell in with the rest of the group as they entered.

I chuckled to myself as I turned back to the bulletin board. Finn was everywhere. In every thought and every memory. I saw him in every other person I met, every place I visited. My entire world had shifted since I met him. Forgetting him would never be possible. Living without him would be like my time in New York – devoid of heart and purpose. There was no moving on from him – he was too much of who I was to simply extract the pieces he’d touched. He was all of me.

And maybe that was as good a sign as any.

Finn

“Great to see you again, Finn,” Dr. Swythe addressed me as everyone gathered their things.

The conference room in the back of the used bookstore was small and smelled old and musty, but I kept coming anyway.

“Good to see you, too.”

We shook hands and stood a foot apart both shifting awkwardly. Well, I was shifting awkwardly. Dr. Swythe had a welcoming and comforting way about him.

The Nar-Anon group met every Tuesday and Thursday in this little room. The basic premise was much like AA following the same twelve steps but for spouses, family members, and others who loved someone that was dealing with addiction.

“Are you getting the support you need?” His brown eyes filled with warmth caused me to say more than I would have to anyone else.

“To be honest, I’m not sure I need the support anymore. Ade— the woman I came here for isn’t in my life right now.”

“You must want her to be if you’re here.”

I nodded. “I do.”

“She’s lucky to have the support even if she doesn’t realize it.” He placed a hand on my shoulder, squeezed lightly and walked away.

The meetings had opened my eyes to a lot of things I was completely dumb to before. I was grateful for it if only that it made me feel like I understood her better. Two weeks of zero contact and I refused to accept that I’d lost her for good. I didn’t know how I was going to win her back, but when I did, I wanted to be everything she needed.

I headed to the field early. We had a game tonight and I needed to stretch and activate. The calf was healed, but I’d likely be babying it to avoid re-injuring it for a while still.

“You’re early,” Foster said as I entered the locker room.

“You too.”

“Couldn’t nap today. My sister is in town and staying with me. She’s got her stuff