JAX (The Beckett Boys #2) - Olivia Chase Page 0,41

now that shit’s changed in there. But I understand why he’s doing it. Didn’t you get tired of the cops being total dicks to your family? I heard about them pulling you over a while ago.”

Jax’s whole body is stiff. I can tell he’s bothered by the topic. “Fuck them. They can’t do anything to us. It’s just threats.” He shakes his head. “And anyone else who wants to take us on or try to buy us out, I’ll fucking make them regret coming to the bar.”

My chest gets uncomfortably tight. I wander away from Rob and Jax to the next booth, feeling bad for eavesdropping. It’s not my business. But I hear the frustration in Jax’s voice and it makes me have conflicted feelings.

Why doesn’t he want Outlaws to change? Obviously Smith’s trying to turn the place around from being a dive bar into something that makes money, something better and more sustaining for their future. And Jax is fighting it.

He doesn’t want the change. He wants it to stay the way it is—wild and rough.

And now I understand why my chest is so tight. The truth is hitting me square in the face, despite my best efforts to ignore it.

I blindly stroke a purple silk hand-painted scarf. This whole thing with Outlaws is a metaphor for Jax. He doesn’t want to change, either. He wants to keep being wild and rough. No matter how close he and I get, it’s always going to be the same thing. Me pretending I’m not upset about who he is, that I’m perfectly okay dating a guy like him and keeping it casual. When reality is, I’m not. Because I’m not a wild girl—not in his way, at least. In the end, I’m going to want more, and he’s never going to be able to give it to me. So how long do I let us go on before facing that fact?

I sigh. Drop my hand and stare up. There are a few streaky clouds, but they don’t mar the rich blueness of the sky. I just don’t know what to do.

Yet again, I’m left feeling conflicted, confused.

My head starts to ache, and I rub my temples. Why does everything have to be so damn complicated? Why am I having feelings for a man who can’t possibly return them—not in a way that will mean a long-term relationship for us? Because that’s what I want. To be his girlfriend. For us to maybe even move in together at some point. Share chores, shop for groceries, pay bills.

All mundane things, sure, but with him they’d be visible proof of our intertwined lives. Of us growing together.

“You okay?” Jax rests his hand on my upper shoulders and rubs his fingers along the base of my skull. “Got a headache?”

“Yeah,” I say. I blink back the burning in my eyelids. No sense crying about it right now. I need to keep my shit together, at least until I get to my room. Maybe Gail can help me figure out what to do.

“I’ll take you back. Come on.” He cups my elbow and leads me to the car.

We’re quiet the whole ride, both of us lost in our own worlds. Music plays in the background but I’m too distracted to pay attention to what it is. Jax’s hand suddenly reaches over and he cups my thigh, stroking it.

“I’m sorry you’re not feeling well,” he says, shooting me a concerned look. “Anything I can get you?”

“I have pain pills in my room,” I assure him, giving what I hope is a convincing smile. I can’t talk to him about what I’m thinking, because this is my issue to deal with, not his. Jax has never pretended to be anything other than who he is. He’s refreshingly honest. No, the problem is now I want more.

I’m the one changing, not him, and I can’t help but feel it’s going to rip us apart.

When we pull into the parking lot of my dorm, my heart stutters with anxiety, and I press my hands to my lap. I don’t want to exit the car for some reason. I want to go back to pretending like we exist in our own bubble.

“Oh, hey. Before you go.” Jax reaches behind him to the back seat of the car and pulls out a small brown bag. He has a smile that carries the warmth of the sun. “This is for you.”

I bite my lower lip and take the bag, surprised. He got me