seemed to belong to the most peakish of the girls, the ones on whom I would not have laid money should they challenge a dandelion to a duel.
“Clarke,” Vesalius Munt called out gladly. “Yes, go on, my dear—lean on Allen there, you seem fatigued, though you deserve no less for having stolen from the poorest of God’s servants.”
Rebecca Clarke, who only managed to pull herself to a standing position by means of the better-fed Allen, raised her leaf-green eyes. Several teachers (including Miss Werwick) stared on with pleasure as if this were some grotesque circus, whilst others (including Miss Lilyvale) concentrated all their attention upon ceiling beams and bootlaces.
I had not been mistaken in my hazy examination of Clarke—she was no more than seven years old if she was a day, and affecting an uncanny look of forced piety, the one I suppose scientists adopted when strapped to a stake and asked whether or not the Earth was flat.
“What happens if you refuse to throw your supper away?” I whispered, horrified.
“Hsst.” Fox shot me a jaundiced glance of warning.
“Clarke, allow your natural urge towards repentance guide you.” Mr. Munt’s eyes roved, hither and thither, tinsel glints seeking out his victim’s victim; I knew who was to be led to the chopping block and felt a contrary surge of pride.
“Poor little mouse has been on a diet of water and brimstone for four entire days now, after the larder raid,” Taylor explained, sounding bored.
“The new girl,” Clarke’s tiny voice called. “Please don’t punish her, for I hardly know her name. Steele, I think, and she was very tired, as she only arrived today. Miss Lilyvale told her to say her prayers, and she . . . didn’t, sir. She fell asleep.”
Dozens upon dozens of eyes swept to me as I stood; Mr. Munt frowned happily, returning his attention to Clarke.
“You have redeemed yourself, my child!” he cried. “Clarke, you may eat.”
No wild dog ever set upon any limping deer’s frame as assiduously as Clarke attacked her stew. She had been reduced to pearly teeth and pink tongue and soiled fingers; I pitied the sight even as my stomach growled.
Miss Lilyvale, a red flag flying across her cheeks, pressed her palm against her stomach and refused to watch.
“Steele, please step forward. You shall not be punished in the usual way, as you are new,” Mr. Munt declared, “but you must learn the value we place here upon obedience.”
Stepping over the bench, I advanced towards the teachers’ table. Scuff, scuff, scuff went my shoes and thud, thud, thud went my heart as I advanced to be caned or set on a dunce’s stool or adorned with a chalkboard or have my hair shorn off.
Mr. Munt smiled as I approached. He extended his hands; Miss Lilyvale, I noted, turned a striking shade of caterpillar green as Vesalius Munt glanced back at her.
“Miss Lilyvale has of late begged me to embrace forgiveness alongside justice, and I hereby publicly grant her wish,” he declared.
Mr. Munt is in love with Miss Lilyvale, I thought feebly as his fingers gripped my still-bruised wrists. That cannot lead to good. Mr. Munt tugged me so hard that my knees struck the stone floor in front of him.
“You will not go without supper today, Steele,” Mr. Munt announced. “You will lead us in prayer instead, for I surmise that despite your reputation for wrongdoing you intended to mind Miss Lilyvale. Pray say what is in your heart, and your brothers and sisters in Christ shall pray alongside you.”
Mr. Munt’s eyes bored into me, silver picks illicitly nudging a lock open.
I stared back, thrilling with revulsion.
He is not satisfied unless we are complicit: he likes us responsible for our own abuse.
I recalled Cousin Edwin’s features, sweat-slick and satisfied, as he played what he thought was a game.
You’re every bit as bad as I am. You liked it.
Meanwhile, Mr. Munt’s request that I say what was in my heart was a deliberately humiliating one, for what girl on her knees before an authoritarian feels anything save the pooling of hot shame in her belly, alongside bitter resentment that she should be treated no better than a slave?
I felt these insults, reader, and I collected them, strung them like sand hardened into pearls, and I wore them, invisible; I wear them today.
“Our Father, who art in heaven,” I called out clearly with my eyes shut. The flagstone bit further into my knees when Mr. Munt gripped the top of my head as if blessing