Jackal (Heartlands Motorcycle Club #12)- Frankie Love Page 0,8

given her that kind of love, that kind of life. But the truth is I don't know anything about that. I've only seen love that hurts, not love that heals. "If things were different, maybe," I say. "But you're only 18, Lydia. I don't want you to get tied up with a man like me."

Her eyes search mine. "A man like you? You mean a man who I can make smile? How many other girls make you laugh? I feel like that ought to count for something."

My cock twitches. "Damn, Lydia. It counts for more than something. But not everything."

"Then why am I not enough for you?"

I close my eyes, running a hand across my jaw. "Sweetheart, it's not you, I promise. As cliché as it sounds, it's all me."

I walk away knowing I'm breaking her heart, hurting her bad. And I curse myself the whole ride home, wishing I weren't a goddamn ex-convict. But I am.

In my apartment, I drop my keys and my jacket and I turn on the shower — cold, ice cold. I need to wash away the night. My body is still hot when I think about Lydia's naked form, how sweet she looked, how full those tits were, those nipples. Damn, she looked good. She looked like mine. I wish I could tell her, really tell her why I'm too fucked up for a girl like her. Maybe if the timing's right, I will. But the cops showing up was the reality check I needed. Truth be told, I'm glad they came and ended it before it could really begin. Before it could turn into something that I couldn’t take back.

The shower is cold and it burns away the heat from the evening.

I go to bed all torn up. And when I wake, it's like I haven't slept at all. When I get to the shop, Maddox is already there whistling a damn tune.

"Why the fuck are you so happy?" I ask.

Maddox chuckles. "I had a good night last night. That's all. What about you? Let me guess. You went home alone like always."

"Fuck you," I say, growling.

"Okay," Maddox says, laughing as he picks up the tablet that has a listing of all the appointments we have today. "I guess I'll get to work and let you deal with your shitty attitude on your own."

Before I can head farther back into the shop, Conley comes in. He's the president of the club and he looks pissed. "Were you guys out at the lake last night?"

Maddox and I share a glance. "Yes, sir," I tell him. "We were there."

"How many times do I have to tell you fuckheads to stop getting yourselves into trouble?"

"I didn't realize it was going to be so out of control. I just thought it was some guys going down to the lake," Maddox says.

"Like hell you did," Conley says with an angry look in his eyes. "That party happens every year. And it's not just the guys from the Heartlands that show up. It's people from town, folks we don’t know. And it always ends like that. We're trying to be respectable around here. I don't need my boys getting arrested for God knows what out at the fucking Hollow Oak Lake. That's not the kind of reputation we want."

"I'm sorry, sir," I say. "You're right. I shouldn't have gone."

Conley frowns. "You really went out there?" he asks me. "You never go out." He says it like it's a question.

I'm not sure how to answer. "I know, sir," I say.

Maddox goes to the back counter and pours himself a cup of coffee. "You want any?" he hollers to Conley and me.

I shake my head and Conley says, "No, I'm meeting Ranger for breakfast at the bar."

"Ranger?" I say, eyes lifting.

"Yeah. Why?" he asks.

I shrug. "No reason."

"You sure there's no reason? Because he's pissed."

"Why?" I ask, worry getting to me. I don’t want Lydia in any trouble on my account.

"Apparently Lydia went out to the lake too. I'm telling you guys, some people got arrested out there for hard drugs. Not just coke. Meth too."

“Fuck, that's why the cops came? I had no idea about that," I say honestly.

And Maddox seems equally surprised. "I was just down there having a good time. We thought it was a party. Some beer, a fire, people were jumping in the lake. I didn't realize it was going to get so crazy," Maddox says.

Conley scowls. "Yeah, I'm sure you were just there for some pussy,"