one cannot hear such cruel judgments for so long and not take them to heart.”
Slowly, Finch’s eyes rose to meet hers for a brief moment, but in that instant, Mina saw a flash of pain. Not the shame of his past deeds, but a whisper of some hidden scar etched into his heart, and an echo of the agonies she’d suffered throughout the years. Though it was only a brief glimpse into Finch’s heart, Mina recognized it in an instant.
She had been wrong. Some gentlemen doubted themselves. And if her instincts were correct, she’d wager it was no minor issue for Finch. As that revelation struck, her words shifted and changed, speaking as much to him as she was to herself.
“It is difficult to cast aside a lifetime of fear. When one has been treated poorly for so long, it can be impossible to trust kindness. Even when another is professing his undying love, it is a struggle to believe it. How can anyone love me when so many others despise me?”
Mina paused, closing her eyes against the truths wriggling beneath the surface. Then she added, “How can he love me when I barely love myself?”
Groping about for the proper reassurances, Mina struggled to know what to say; her thoughts raced with various possibilities, trying to predict Finch’s reaction to each.
“But then I remind myself that their opinions hold no sway over my worth,” she said, a ghost of a smile curling the edges of her lips. “Just because I lack in one aspect, even if it is something everyone prizes, that does not mean I am wholly insignificant or repugnant. Everyone has intrinsic value. It may not be obvious to others, or it may be buried or forgotten, but it is there if one is willing to look.”
Mina’s hands relaxed. Her poor skirts were wrinkled beyond repair. Taking a deep breath, she held onto those words, realizing that she’d needed to give them a voice as much as Finch needed to hear them. The tension in her chest eased, and her heart warmed as she contemplated those truths she too often forgot.
“It’s not easy to remember, but I try,” she added.
Finch remained mute, but there was an intensity to his expression and posture that spoke of one clinging to every word; his brow was pulled low, and his eyes burned a hole in the floorboards.
“I do apologize for taking so long, dearest,” said Simon, handing Mina a cup of punch. “I was waylaid by Mr. Caldwell. He has an interesting proposition for your school that might keep a certain troublesome lady at bay.”
Glancing between Finch and Mina, Simon’s brow furrowed. “Is something amiss?”
Finch hid his pain behind a lazy smile. “We were bemoaning your absence.”
Tucking Mina’s free hand through his arm, Simon chuckled. “Pining after me, were you?”
“It was as though our very reason for being had disappeared, leaving us empty shells,” he replied.
“Too right,” said Simon with a nod before giving his wife a rascally grin. “I read somewhere that wives sit about all day waiting for their husbands to return, lost without their guidance and attention.”
Mina slanted him a narrowed look, and Simon had the decency to grimace, though it was too impish to be believed. The gentlemen continued to chat, leaving Mina’s mind to wander through the previous conversation.
Unfortunately, she knew too little of the man to be certain her words were the ones he needed to hear; her wretched pride had kept her at a distance, leaving her hindered at present. Mina could only hope and pray she had done some good.
And then her thoughts drifted to Finch’s advice. As much as she wished to ignore it, Mina knew she could not. Waiting for things to sort themselves out was doing no good, and she and Simon were falling back into that familiar pattern of the past. Silence and fear were now in control of her marriage, and the time was long past for her to have a frank discussion with her husband.
Chapter 32
Slipping through a side door, Felicity scurried away from the heat and noise of the assembly room and out into the cold; this winter had been so terribly frigid, but her skin was so flushed that the nip was exactly what she needed. Touching a hand to her forehead, she dabbed at the droplets forming there and took in a deep breath of the frosty night air.
With more leeches and less happy resolution, this evening was a far cry from the one