Mina could not decipher the source. Dropping her gaze to the necklace on her lap, she fiddled with the string of stones and hoped Simon could not see her cheeks blazing pink.
A tremulous voice inside her begged her to ignore it. Leave it be. No good would come from dredging up that which Simon wished hidden. She mustn’t forget the time when that woman had haunted the halls of Avebury Park, both figuratively and literally; Mrs. Susannah Banfield had been a presence in the Kingsleys’ marriage long before she’d appeared on their doorstep. It had been the right thing to confront Simon then, but it had ended with Mina fleeing the county with a shattered heart.
Did she truly wish to know if Simon’s feelings had changed once more? His behavior would settle before long, and then Mina could pretend that all was well. But to know with certainty that his feelings had dwindled, or had fled altogether, would crush her.
Just as Mina was about to affix a smile on her face, she realized that they were following that same terrible pattern from before. Denying. Ignoring. Excusing. Fearing. Mina had been a coward before, and she was returning to that all too familiar behavior.
Before she could rethink her course of action or scuttle away back into silent acceptance of their situation, Mina blurted out the question she needed to ask.
“What is wrong, Simon?”
Chapter 16
Sweat gathered on his neck as his blasted cravat strangled him. Simon tugged at the bit of cloth, wishing his valet would learn to tie a proper knot without asphyxiating his master. With a cough and swallow, he cleared his throat.
“You do not like it?”
“It is one of the most beautiful necklaces I’ve ever seen, and I cannot wait to wear it, but that is immaterial,” said Mina, closing the lid and placing it to the side without a second look. “What is the matter?”
Simon shifted in his seat, tugging at his jacket and wishing he could rip the wretched cravat from his neck.
“I don’t know what you mean—” But Simon stopped when Mina put her hand over his mouth. Squeezing her eyes shut, she shook her head, and Simon couldn’t help but notice how red her complexion had grown.
“Please don’t,” she whispered. “Don’t tell me that nothing is the matter or that all is well or any other lie. I know something is amiss. I have seen it building for the last few weeks. I know you are not sleeping, and that something is bothering you.”
Mina’s body tightened, and she refused to meet his gaze. Simon’s lungs seized at the sight of her bracing herself as though expecting a blow. It was a posture he’d not seen in some months, and seeing it once more made his heart twist in half.
With a wince, Simon’s shoulders dropped, and he removed her hand so he could mumble, “You forgave me too freely.”
Eyes popping open, Mina stared at him. “Pardon?”
Mina’s fingers were so soft. Not delicate, as the lady herself was no fragile, tiny thing. No, they were elegant. Graceful. Simon ran his own along them, allowing the feel of her skin to anchor him. His gaze fixed on their hands as they entwined.
“I behaved abominably, and I do not understand how you forgave me so readily or why you love me now,” he murmured, his eyes tracing the lines of her fingers.
Tugging on their joined hands, Mina drew his gaze to hers. “That is ridiculous, darling. You have more than made up for what has passed—”
“No, I haven’t,” he said, fighting to keep his voice from rising. Adding to his sins by losing his temper now would hardly help. “I behaved like a cad, and I cannot help but be angry at my behavior, so how can you possibly be at peace with it?”
“But Simon, you didn’t act maliciously then. You were blind and foolish,” she said with a half-smile, “but not purposefully cruel. That makes a world of difference.”
Simon sighed, turning his gaze back to their hands. “And are you going to say that your mood of late has nothing to do with it? I see you are unhappy, Mina. Have I done something to deserve that cold reception?”
*
Mina straightened, staring at her husband like a landed trout. “Just now? That was nothing, Simon.”
His jaw tensed, and he slanted a look in her direction. “Do not think me a fool, Mina. That was not nothing. You were practically growling when I approached. What have I done?”