at the way my sister had suffered. I rose from my seat and crossed the office to stand by her. She roughly wiped the tears from her eyes but let me embrace her. I didn’t know what to say. There weren’t any words that could take away her pain and trauma. I could only hope that showing her love would ease some of her sufferings.
“There were others,” she whispered, clinging to me so tightly I knew there would be bruises where her fingers had been. “Other women and other guards.”
I hadn’t told her about the voicemail yet. “On New Year’s Eve, while we were at Denim and Diamonds, I got a voicemail from a number I didn’t recognize. I didn’t hear it until the next morning, but it was a woman. She was crying and begging for help and mercy. She was being beaten, I think, and probably worse.”
Her arms tightened even more, squeezing me so hard I could hardly draw breath into my lungs. Trembling, she confessed, “They filmed it.”
My heartbeat stuttered. “Filmed the rapes?”
“Yes,” she answered, crying harder. “To sell. On the black market.”
I couldn’t even imagine what type of depraved mind wanted to watch rapes and beatings.
“But only of the women who were waiting for ICE.”
“What do you mean?” I managed to free myself enough to stare into her face. “You mean, like, immigration?”
“Yeah.” She wiped her face. “I heard about it when I was in the infirmary. There were two women in the beds next to mine, and they were talking about one of their friends going missing somewhere in the jail. They were speaking Spanish, so maybe they assumed I wouldn’t understand, or maybe they were hoping I would so someone else would know.”
“How do you go missing in jail? Aren’t there roll calls? Cameras monitoring everything?”
“I think that’s why they stick with the women who are waiting to be transferred to immigration for deportation,” she explained. “It’s easier to lose someone like that.”
“And then those women get sent home, and no one will ever hear their stories.”
“Exactly.”
“Did they only target those women? Why did he go after you?”
She seemed to waver between telling the truth and refusing to speak. Closing her eyes, she confessed, “I did something so stupid.”
“Hey,” I said, rubbing her back, “it’s okay, Ruby. Whatever it was, it doesn’t matter. Okay? I only care about keeping you safe and putting a stop to what’s happening inside the jail.”
“You’re going to be so fucking angry with me,” she whined and starting crying harder. “You’ve been so supportive and proud of me and I fucked up so bad and I’ve been lying the whole time.”
Over her shoulder, I noticed Ivan coming into the office. He took one step into the room, saw the situation and put up both hands. Silently, he backed away and closed the door with the barest hint of a click as the lock caught. Safe inside and our privacy guaranteed, I grabbed her hand and led her to the small couch on the far wall of the office. Tugging her down next to me, I held both hands and waited for her to look me in the eye. “Ruby, I will still love you and support you and be proud of you no matter what you tell me.”
She sniffled and wiped at her eyes again. It took her a while to work up the courage, but I didn’t mind. I held her hands and waited. Eventually, she lifted her head and admitted, “I was getting high inside.”
Relief washed over me. “Is that all?”
“Is that all?” she echoed. “I’m telling you I used drugs inside after I was forced to get clean, and you don’t think it’s that big of a deal?”
“I’m sorry,” I hastily replied, not wanting to piss her off and cause her to clam up again. “I was expecting something so much worse, but a relapse that early in your recovery isn’t unexpected, especially in a high-stress environment.”
She looked at me funny. “Ivan wasn’t kidding. You have been reading a shit ton of books about addiction.”
“I want to understand what you’re going through and how to help you, Ruby. I love you, and I want you to be happy and fulfilled and not have this fucking demon following you around for the rest of your life.”
“It’s always going to be there, Erin. Addiction doesn’t go away. It’s a disease. It gets easier to not think about using and to not crave the high, but it’s always there