and a toned and lifted butt. I wasn’t ever going to be an athlete like Ivan, but I liked to stay in shape and look good. I also wanted to be healthy when we had a baby.
If we ever have a baby...
The black cloud of infertility hung over me as I followed Mitzi’s instructions for the new movement, combining a plié, coupé, and attitude. Because I was still in my mid-twenties, my doctor wouldn’t refer me to a specialist until we had tried for more than a year. This last failed cycle had ticked that box, and I had already secured a referral to my chosen clinic.
My cycles came like clockwork, and Ivan was insatiable, so I couldn’t understand why it wasn’t working. It was hard to see my friends having babies so easily. Benny, Vivian, and Bianca hadn’t had any problems getting pregnant. I was so happy for them, and I adored Benny’s little girl and couldn’t wait for Vivian and Bianca’s babies to arrive.
But it hurt. I hated feeling that way. The guilt of being so envious was hard to handle. Thank God I could always count on Lena for support. She never judged and always knew exactly what to say. She had even offered to be a surrogate.
Ivan was just as sweet. He didn’t put any pressure on me, and I truly believed that he didn’t blame me in any way. Obviously, he wanted a baby as badly as I did, but he let me set the pace and make the decisions. He was willing to go as far as I wanted—even IVF—and had made it clear that he didn’t want me to even think about the cost. So, I wasn’t. I had picked out the best reproductive specialist in Houston and planned to have my current doctor refer me to him.
“Watch your form.” Mitzi placed her hand on my back and gave a gentle push to realign my spine. “Keep your chin lifted. Lungs open. Just like that. Good. Very good.”
Pulled from my troubling thoughts, I focused on the remainder of the class. When we reached a passé, I made sure to slide my pointed toes along my calf until they rested just above my knee, all while keeping my weight off of my standing leg. After a few grueling seconds of holding the position, we moved from passé into a lunge. The deliberate pace had my thighs shaking and my abdominal muscles screaming by the time we were finished with all the reps on both sides.
When it was finally time to end the session with slow and easy stretches and some yoga, I almost cried out in relief. Flat on my back, I breathed in deeply and then exhaled all the stress of the seemingly endless to-do list that never left my brain. I wanted to stay in the moment. I wanted to enjoy that surge of endorphins from a completed workout and a sense of accomplishment.
“Ladies, what a good class we had today!” Mitzi clapped at the front of the class as we all rose to our feet. Her perky blonde ponytail bounced as she said, “Let’s give ourselves a big reverence. We earned it this morning!”
After our graceful bows, the class ended. Zoya tugged her hair elastic from her sagging ponytail and wound her hair into a more tightly coiled bun. “You want to grab some coffee?”
“Sure.” I rolled up my yoga mat, tugged on my sneakers, shrugged into the way too big hoodie I had stolen from Ivan’s side of the closet, and grabbed my flamingo pink insulated water bottle.
We left the classroom together, stopping at the door to thank Mitzi for another great class. Out in the lobby of the studio, my gaze drifted to the bulletin board and a bright yellow flyer for a new class. I wandered over as Zoya talked to Mitzi about the pilates courses and read the information printed on the flyer.
“Couples yoga?” Zoya read as she joined me at the bulletin board. “If you convince Ivan to go and get a picture, I’ll design a special commemorative plaque and frame for the photo evidence.”
I laughed and snapped a pic of the flyer for later. “Deal.”
“I’d love to design something other than engagement rings and bracelets for mothers,” she said as we headed for the double doors. “I lost count of how many last-minute pieces we sold for clients in the run-up to Christmas. On the one hand, it’s incredible to know that so many people