It's A Wonderful Midlife Crisis (Good To The Last Death #1) - Robyn Peterman Page 0,80

Gram.

“She surely did. Jennifer just dills my pickles. I don’t know what the hell she did to her face, but that gal is as funny as all get out,” Gram said. “Want another?”

“Do I have a choice?” I asked as I folded her housecoats and put some fresh flowers in the vase by her bed.

“Nosiree, you don’t,” she said, rubbing her thin hands together with glee. “Strap-on is no-parts spelled backward! Get it?”

“I would have been fine without ever knowing that,” I muttered with a laugh.

Steve had joined me. He wanted to see Gram. He sat quietly in the corner with a smile on his decomposing face while he waited for her to spot him. So far… nothing.

“The Ouija board worked,” I told her as I went to her door and closed it. I also locked it. There was no need for the staff at the nursing home to think both Gram and I had lost our minds. “I sent fifty squatters into the light yesterday.”

“Well, I’ll be damned—not literally,” Gram said with a chuckle and a thumbs up. “You forgot the mail forgery kit in the dresser. You’re gonna need that.”

“Yep,” I said, pulling the bottom drawer open. “That was on my list for today. I have a ton of mail fraud to execute in the next day or two.”

“I don’t consider helping the dead to be illegal,” Gram said as she channel-surfed like a speed demon. “I call it dishin’ out good karma for deserving people.”

“Works for me,” I said, taking the box out of the drawer and putting it by my purse so I wouldn’t forget it.

Gram still hadn’t noticed Steve.

He was insistent that he be a surprise. I wouldn’t say anything unless we went another ten minutes or so without Gram realizing he was here.

“How complicated is this?” I asked, referring to the large box.

“Instructions are in there,” Gram said, settling on Family Feud. “I love me some Richard Dawson. He’s such a flirt. He’s no Bob Barker, but I’d get gussied up for him.”

“Does it vary by state?” I asked, hoping the instructions weren’t the size of a book.

“It does, but once you get the hang of it, it’s a breeze,” she explained. “Out of country gets a little tricky, but everything you need is in the box.”

“What happens when I run out of stuff?” I asked, peeking at the contents.

“You’re gonna think I’m nuts,” Gram said, glancing over at me.

“I already do. Spit it out, old lady,” I said.

Gram leaned forward and lowered her voice to a whisper. “It multiplies. You never run out. First time I noticed it happened, I was so surprised you could’ve slapped my ass and called me Wally.”

“Are you serious?”

“Nope. I’m Gram,” she said with a cackle.

“You’re certainly on fire today,” I said with an eye roll. “So, for real? I don’t ever have to buy supplies for my new illegal side gig?”

“Nope,” Gram confirmed.

Well, that was a relief and a shocker. Although, I wasn’t sure why anything shocked me anymore.

“Did you meet the Grim Reaper?” Gram asked, waggling her eyebrows.

“Umm… I did,” I said, not wanting to go into any details with Steve in the room. I didn’t know why. He’d probably be thrilled that I’d kissed someone. It would be better if I’d kissed someone who wasn’t older than time itself, but I wasn’t the best at choosing men.

That was the understatement of my life.

“Don’t know why he’s in town,” Gram went on. “Were there any oddities with any of the dead?”

“No,” I said quickly. I had no intention of bringing up John. Plus, Gideon had said he wasn’t here for John.

“Well, there will be soon,” Gram said. “He never shows up without a reason.”

I really didn’t like the sound of that. None of my squatters seemed like bad people. The thought of helping someone end up in Hell or whatever came next was disconcerting.

“Does he have a counterpart?” I asked. He had to. Right? If someone’s afterlife was in question there had to be a good Grim Reaper… or some sort of benevolent being, something like that.

I rolled my eyes at myself and waited to see what Gram would say.

“Angel of Mercy. The Angel of Mercy is the counterpart to the Grim Reaper. A tire!” she shouted at the TV when Richard Dawson asked for something you fill with air.

“A balloon,” Steve said, walking over to Gram’s bed.

Gram didn’t look at him.

Steve and I both stared at her in confusion. Was it possible that once the