It's A Wonderful Midlife Crisis (Good To The Last Death #1) - Robyn Peterman Page 0,77

His laugh of delight made me feel incredible when I told him about my running and how fast I’d made it to Heather’s house.

This was what I’d missed the most. Steve was my person. He was the one that I could share everything with—the one who passed no judgment and just offered loving support.

Who knew I’d get one more chance to be with the man who’d been my entire world?

Missy had been correct. Forty was turning out to be a far better year than thirty-nine had been.

Chapter Twenty

“Oh my God, Steve,” I said with a laugh as I peered bleary-eyed out of the window at the rising sun. “I need to sleep a little.”

“Don’t you have to go to work?” he asked, testing his arm that I’d repaired hours ago.

“Umm… no. Not today. I have the week off.” There was no way I was going to tell him it was because Clarissa wanted me out of the way due to the arrival of Gideon. Gideon the Grim Reaper was a subject I wouldn’t touch with Steve. It felt all kinds of wrong. Plus, it was a non-issue. Gideon wasn’t my person and he never would be. “I’m going to grab the afghan and nap on the couch. Sound good?”

“Daisy, I’m gay,” Steve said so softly that I was sure I’d heard him wrong.

My back faced him and my hand was on the afghan. All sorts of riotous emotions gripped me much more violently than I gripped the afghan. What the hell rhymed with gay? What else could my dead husband have just said? Daisy, I’m stray? Daisy, I’m gray? Pray? In decay? In disarray? He did not just tell me he was gay.

Plastering a smile on my face that didn’t reach my eyes and felt brittle on my lips, I slowly turned and faced him. “I’m sorry. I think I misunderstood.”

Steve looked positively devastated. “You didn’t. I’m gay.”

“Since you died?” I asked, completely confused.

He shook his head and closed his eyes. “No. Always.”

My head began to throb and the walls of the house felt like they were closing in. Steve had a great sense of humor. Was this a joke? It was a joke. It was a bad joke, but I didn’t want to get pissed off if his sense of humor had become skewed in death.

“Right,” I said, shaking my head and forcing out a laugh that sounded tinny and rung false. “Good one. You almost got me.”

Steve said nothing. He didn’t join me in my fake laughter. He appeared pained and terribly sad.

“You’re not joking,” I whispered, wrapping the afghan around my body for protection and seating myself carefully on the love seat across the room from him. The irony of the piece of furniture I’d chosen to sit on didn’t escape my notice.

“I’m so sorry,” he choked out. “I’m so sorry.”

“For being gay or for marrying me and knowing you were gay… are gay… were gay… whatever,” I snapped as my voice rose and sounded like it was coming out of someone else’s mouth.

Sitting felt suffocating. I stood and began to pace. I stayed on my side of the family room.

I was afraid I would damage Steve if I got too close. There wouldn’t be enough superglue in the state of Georgia to fix him if I got my hands on him right now.

How was this happening? How did I not know? I wasn’t one of those women who went through life with blinders on.

Was I? Apparently, yes.

“For everything. I’m sorry for everything. I couldn’t accept it,” Steve said hollowly. “I didn’t want to be that way. My parents threw me out of the house when I was fifteen. Told me I was going to burn in Hell for all eternity.”

“How did I not know this?” I shouted, feeling out of control and sick to my stomach. “How?”

Steve said nothing. What was left to say?

“Was I a joke to you?” I demanded, pacing like a madwoman. “Was our whole life together a joke?”

“No,” Steve said in a broken whisper. “Never. I loved you and I always will.”

“Yet you let me think there was something wrong with me sexually for twenty years?” I ground out between clenched teeth as I held on to my sanity by a thread. “You let me believe it was me. That I was broken and undesirable. Half a woman. A freak of nature because you were hiding who you were? And I realize the blame is mine too because I was too stupid