It's A Wonderful Midlife Crisis (Good To The Last Death #1) - Robyn Peterman Page 0,110
was the biggest idiot alive.
I couldn’t even comprehend what I’d done and right now wasn’t the time to rip myself a new one.
Had Heather done this to Steve? That didn’t seem right, but it was the only option left. My body trembled violently. I didn’t know how much more I could take.
“Why?” I asked. “Why would you do this?”
Heather stopped in confusion and looked at me. “Daisy, I didn’t do this.”
Fury consumed me It had happened. I witnessed it. I was there. Someone had to be responsible. If it wasn’t Gideon and it wasn’t Heather, who was it?
“Fine,” I said harshly. “I’ll play along. If you’re not the Angel of Mercy, who in the hell is?”
“Clarissa,” Heather replied. “Clarissa is the Angel of Mercy.”
The need to scream or destroy something was overwhelming. Sitting still wasn’t going to work. I’d implode.
Hopping off the bed, I stripped off my clothes and yanked on running gear.
Clarissa had warned me. She had warned me to my face. She had destroyed me in every way possible, and I’d played right into her plans. I’d banished the man I was in love with and destroyed my best friend in the process.
“Correct me if I’m wrong,” I ground out between clenched teeth, wanting to put my fist through the wall. “From their titles, I would think the Grim Reaper was the bad guy and the Angel of Mercy was the good one. Even with what you told me they do, this makes no sense. Clarissa is the damned definition of evil.”
“Nothing is black or white,” Heather said, running her hands through her hair and closing her eyes. “The simplest way to explain it is that Clarissa is a Heavenly Angel—so to speak—and Gideon is a Demon… or a fallen Angel. Bad people do good things and good people do bad things. Existence is a shade of gray. Living forever takes its toll on people.”
“I’d hardly call them people. People don’t live forever,” I snapped.
Heather opened her eyes and leveled me with a stare. “What would you call me?”
Meeting her gaze, I was at a loss. I had no idea. My understanding of just about everything was completely screwed.
“Honestly, I don’t know,” I said emotionlessly. “I don’t even know.”
Turning my back on her, I walked over to Steve and gently tucked the covers around him. It made no difference. I was aware he felt no real physical pain, but it helped me. Quickly pulling a copy of my will from the safe under the bed, I thrust the papers into Heather’s hands.
“Everything goes to Gram,” I said. “Make sure it happens, please.”
“What are you going to do?” Heather asked, alarmed.
“I fucked up, Heather.”
Her expression would have made me laugh if the situation wasn’t so dire. I never dropped the F-bomb. I’d never dropped one in my life. However, the F-bomb was merited now. Tons of F-bombs were merited.
“Talk to me. Please,” she insisted.
“What are you?” I asked as I tied my tennis shoe and broke a lace in my rage.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, what are you?” I snapped, getting frustrated and grabbing another pair of running shoes. “You’re not the Grim Reaper and you’re not the Angel of Mercy. What are you?”
Heather only paused for a moment. “I’m the Arbitrator. I’m the Arbitrator between Heaven and Hell.”
“They exist?” I demanded. “Heaven and Hell are real? God and Satan are real?”
“Depends on your definition, but yes,” she told me.
I didn’t have time to even get into that right now. I had an Angel of Mercy to eliminate.
“Daisy,” Heather said in a worried tone. “Tell me what you’re going to do.”
“I’m going to kill Clarissa,” I said so calmly, Heather blanched. “In the space of several hours, I’ve destroyed my entire life. And she warned me. The piece of shit warned me and I didn’t listen.”
“Daisy, that’s not allowed,” Heather said, putting her hand on my arm.
“She tried to send Steve to the darkness based on a lie and her hatred of me,” I hissed. “I should just forget about that?”
“No,” Heather said, pressing her fingers to the bridge of her nose and sighing. “No, you shouldn’t, but…”
I stopped for a moment and tried to make sense of my thoughts so I could make Heather understand why this was the only way. I knew Steve wouldn’t get better. In my act of saving him, I might have very well sentenced him to a life of nothingness.
“Heather, I just banished Gideon from my life because I blamed him for what happened to Steve,” I said flatly.
“Gideon didn’t try to defend himself?” she questioned, startled.
I shook my head and laughed. It was a hollow, ugly laugh. “He tried. I wouldn’t listen. Seems like that’s a pattern for me lately. Hence, I systematically just decimated any chance of happiness I will ever have. It’s gone. I have myself to thank for that—not Clarissa. She started the ball rolling. I grabbed it and ran it in for a touchdown. However, she played with Steve’s fate because she was jealous of Gideon and me. She’ll pay for that. And for what she did, she dies.”
“Sit down,” Heather demanded. “Now.”
“I’ll give you five minutes,” I said, still standing. “If you want to represent me in my murder trial, I’d appreciate it. You’ll probably lose and that might not be good for business. I’ll understand if you don’t want me for a client. However, I am going to kill her and it’s completely premeditated.”
Heather’s laugh was so shocking, I almost smiled. But smiling wasn’t in my repertoire right now.
“Let me start by saying I would love for Clarissa to be eliminated from this world. However, it’s not an option. She can’t be killed.”
“Are you serious?” I shouted.
“I am,” Heather said. “Here’s the real question. Do you want Steve to stay in this state forever?”
I paled and sat. It didn’t occur to me that he would be like he was right now until the end of time… if time actually ended.
“No.”
“Fine,” Heather said. “I’ll represent you.”
“I thought you said Clarissa couldn’t die,” I said, confused now.
“There are far worse things than death, Daisy,” she said with the beginnings of a smile. “Far, far worse.”
“Clarissa’s decision was wrong. Steve didn’t commit suicide. Why can’t it just be reversed?”
“Once a decree has been made, it stands,” Heather said. “However, in this case…”
That was all I needed to hear. I was in. “Tell me what I have to do.”
“You won’t like it.”
I sighed and pressed my lips together. The choices were not many. I was sure none of them were good, but at this point it didn’t matter. As long as Clarissa would pay for what she’d done and Steve wouldn’t be left like a dead vegetable, I was game. Gideon was gone. Due to my stupid habit of assuming I knew what the hell was going on, Gideon and I could probably not be fixed. It would forever be the biggest mistake I’d made, and I had to live with it. However, I was never going to assume anything again. If that was my lesson the price had been damned high.
“I don’t care. I’ll do it.”
So, she told me. She told me in great detail what had to be done. It was far more horrifying than what I’d imagined. But Heather had given me something.
Heather had given me hope.
There was a blinding golden light at the end of a very dark tunnel.
And maybe if I came through it in one piece with a small bit of my sanity intact, I’d search for Gideon and apologize. I didn’t think he would accept, but I would find him someday and tell him.
He deserved that.
And I owed it to him… because I still loved him. Not that it would make a difference in the end, but I knew. And that would have to be good enough.
“When do we start?” I asked.
“We start now,” she replied.
“Let’s do it,” I said.
Heather looked at me for a long moment, and then sighed. “Daisy, you can get your happiness back too. Love doesn’t disappear that easily.”
I smiled but I doubted it. Heather hadn’t been here when it went down between Gideon and me, but it was a nice thought—one I’d hold on to.
Forty was a shitty year, and it had barely started. Midlife had been one hell of a bumpy ride so far. I chose to believe midlife was a journey—not a destination. It was the only way I could go forward without breaking.
There was no other choice. My best friend’s afterlife was on the line… and possibly my happiness.