It's a Wonderful Death - Sarah J. Schmitt Page 0,12

shakes when someone mentions Whitney, another freshman who’s trying out for the squad.

“She’s so fat,” one of the girls says, making pig noises.

Everyone laughs. “I know. And her upper body strength is horrible. I mean, if you’re going to be big, at least be strong. We always need girls for the bottom of the pyramid,” someone else adds.

Now, for the record, Whitney is not fat. She just doesn’t look like the other girls do. And, she’s really nice. We’re in geometry together and she’s hilarious. I don’t really want to make fun of her, so instead of joining in, I concentrate on my drink.

But Bella, the Varsity captain, isn’t about to let me off the hook. “What do you think of her, RJ? I could have sworn I saw you talking to her earlier.”

I sink a little in my seat, looking around at the expectant faces. I know they want me to join in on the bashing. I decide to try playing it off like I don’t know her well. “Yeah, um, we have math together. I couldn’t remember the homework assignment.”

Bella doesn’t look like she’s buying it. “Really? Because you looked awfully chummy after practice yesterday. Didn’t I hear you tell her you’d go shopping with her this weekend?”

“Well, it’s not like she’s going to give her the assignment if RJ is mean to her,” Marcy says, coming to my defense.

I watch Bella roll her eyes and I see myself squirm under her gaze. If only I knew then what I know now. In a few months, the Varsity captain is going to find herself staring down at two pink lines on a pregnancy test. She’ll be so embarrassed she’ll transfer to another school and her reign of terror will be over.

But for now, I’m at the mercy of a vindictive and vengeful queen bee who also happens to hold my popularity in her hands.

“So,” Bella continues, “what do you really think of her? Do you really want a cow like that on your squad? She can barely pull off a back tuck.”

I know this is a test. If I say I like her, my cool factor plummets. If I throw her under the bus, I score points with Bella, but who knows what will happen after that.

Actually, I do know, at least the dead me does. I shake my head and will the buzzing to stop as I watch freshman me take the safe route. “You’re right. She’s a total pig. Who in the world would want to toss her? And the weak arms aren’t the worst part. She sweats so bad. It’s gross.”

The words make me cringe because I know they are going to come back to haunt me. And much sooner than I can imagine. Later in the day, Bella is going to run into Whitney. She’ll tell her everything I said. Unfortunately, I won’t know this when I try to talk to her in class and she gives me the cold shoulder. In fact, it won’t be until tryouts that I learn the truth behind the hurt look on her face. When Whitney doesn’t show for practice, Bella gives me a very public high five and praises me for helping to weed out the undesirables.

There’s a long pause between clips and I pull my knees up to my chest to contemplate everything I’ve seen so far.

Where are the fun times? What about the sleepovers where my friends and I give each other makeovers and prank call boys we like? What about the Thursday night bonfires before Friday night games? The older I get the more hateful this video is making me look. There’s no way I was that mean. Is there?

Before I can decide if this is really me or typecast editing, the screen blinks back to life. It’s my junior year of high school. I can tell because now I’m wearing my Varsity cheerleading uniform, which means my coach doesn’t know about my grades yet and I’m still on the team. The other clue that it’s junior year is that I’m flirting with Dave, Felicity’s stepbrother.

I know it makes her crazy that we’re hanging out all the time, but that’s part of the fun. As much as I call Felicity my bestie, the truth is, we’re only friends because we know too much about each other to be enemies. It’s a relationship of tactical means.

My mind turns to what my friends must be thinking about my death. I’m sure they’re all in shock, but