enough to know if we were in love, let alone if it was true love.” As soon as the words were out, I knew I was lying, as did Nan and Delores. “Fine,” I choked. “I loved him. I still love him. I just don’t know if he felt the same.”
The glance they exchanged said they’d caught me in another lie, but I wasn’t sure I agreed with them. “It felt like he loved me, even though he never said it. But after everything that happened, after everything he said, I don’t trust I read the situation right. I don’t think I ever really knew him at all.”
A knock at the door interrupted me. I looked up as something beautiful bloomed in my heart and eagerness settled over me. “Are you expecting a package?” I asked Nan, already halfway out of my seat.
“That’s probably what it is,” she said, shrugging nonchalantly. “Do you mind going to check? I’m…too upset over talking about Carl.”
My feet were already in motion, drawn to that door like it had its own gravity, despite her obvious lie. “Sure. Happy to.”
My heart thumped. A grin tugged at the corners of my lips. My body lit up, celebrating what waited for me outside before I caught up to what my subconscious had already figured out. When I opened the door, I found Joe standing on the front walk, wearing a floral shirt, cargo shorts, and flipflops.
He held a box in his hands and my heart in his.
Behind me, Nan and Delores giggled and exchanged a high five. “Sorry to surprise you,” Nan said without sounding sorry at all. “But you’ll thank us for this someday.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Kennedy
I wanted to be mad at Nan and Delores for setting me up, but I couldn’t. At least not right away. Not with my heart pitter-pattering in my chest like a lunatic set free and Joe standing in front of me, a blush creeping up his neck as he shifted his weight back and forth from foot to foot.
“You look absolutely ridiculous,” I said, my voice shaking with both laughter and emotion.
“I don’t feel ridiculous.” Joe glanced down at his clothes and grimaced. “Okay, maybe I feel a little ridiculous. This isn’t exactly a Joe-approved outfit, but it is a meaningful one. I used to joke all the time that my heart and soul were as black as my boots. But that’s not true anymore. You’ve brought color to my life, Penny. An absurd amount of color.” He held out the hem of his shirt as proof.
I took a step toward him. Then another, lowering my weight onto the stair that used to squeal my arrival. “It doesn’t feel like I’ve brought you any of that. You seemed pretty miserable the last time we saw each other.”
“I was an idiot to jump to conclusions about you and Collin. I’ve always said I was an asshole, and that only proved it…”
Tired of hearing that assessment, I held up my hand to cut him off. “You always hide behind that excuse.”
“It’s not an excuse. It’s the truth.”
“Would an asshole put his life on hold to help his brother? Would an asshole cook steak dinners for women he didn’t even like? Would an asshole build bookshelves and redo backyards for someone he’d just met?”
“Obviously he would. I did those things. And I’m an asshole.”
“But you’re not. That’s what I’m trying to say. You say you’re an asshole to give yourself an excuse not to grow. You were nervous about me at The Drunken Goat. Instead of staying home, trusting me to handle things, and dealing with your nerves, you show up and make a scene. Why? Because you’re an asshole.” I made air quotes and sighed. “I think whatever you went through when you were a kid left you scared. You’ll never outgrow it if you don’t stop making excuses and face it.”
“You’re right.” Joe lowered his gaze to the box in his hands. “I know I hurt you the other day and I’m so, so sorry. I haven’t let you in because I’ve been sure you wouldn’t like what you found and you’d leave. I couldn’t stand the thought of being hurt by you. And then you did…”
My eyebrows shot up at his statement and he hurried on.
“I’m doing a terrible job here,” he said, sounding downright desperate. “You didn’t hurt me because you didn’t do anything wrong. But the fear, Penny. The fear hurt so much, I pushed you away. I’ve kept you