“Oh?” She looked at me in surprise, “What do you mean?”
“I heard, the perfect age gap, is actually seven years. So, seven years younger, or seven years older. And well, I’m twenty-eight, so seven years younger is twenty-one, and I am not dating a twenty-one-year-old. So, that’s out.”
“Okay. You don’t think thirty-five is too old for you?”
“No, I don’t think thirty-five is too old. That most probably means he’s very mature, and he’s French. Hello? He’s absolutely gorgeous. Look at his picture.”
“Wow,” she said, as I showed her the picture.
“He looks like James Franco, but even better.”
“Ooh yeah, James Franco is hot and so is Pierre.” Sarah nodded.
“Yeah.” I took a sip of my wine. “And he seems really cool. He likes wine, steaks, and chocolate, everything that I love. So I most probably will give him a date too.”
“I would give him a date in a heartbeat.” Sarah laughed.
“Okay. So, let me tell you about number four. He is absolutely gorgeous as well. Blond hair, looks like he’s got hazel-green eyes. And, okay, I don’t normally go for guys who don’t wear shirts in their photos, but when you have a body like that, I’m okay with it.” I showed her the picture of Connor, which showed off his six-pack, and her jaw dropped. “Wow. He’s got abs for days.” She grinned.
“Yeah. And get this, he’s also, I think, a musician. He didn’t say that but I think he is. He just seems really into music and really funny. He actually made a comment about me liking Ed Sheeran, and said his music was shit, which he and I will have to fight about when we meet.” I laughed. “But he said he’s honest, and I actually really like honesty. It’s really hard to find guys these days who will tell the truth.”
“That is true,” Sarah said. “He seems like he could be a player, though.”
“Yeah, maybe, but I’m willing to give him a chance. And, he said he likes to dance, and you know I love dancing.”
“That is true. So then, who’s the last guy?”
“The last, I don’t know why I included him, if I am honest. I’m not really interested in him, because he sounds like a bit of a douche. But, he was the douchiest one out of the lot, so I thought I’d just show you his profile, because really?”
“Oh no, show me, show me.”
“Here’s his photo. He’s actually quite good-looking. He definitely looks like a Russian mobster to me, which is totally not my thing, but could be hot. I’ve read some of those Russian mafia books, and if guys in real life are as hot as the books, then...”
“They’re never as hot as the books, trust me, girl.” Sarah shook her head.
“That’s true, that’s true.” I laughed. “But, he said, and I quote, he’s well-hung. Who says that?” I laughed again. “And, what do you think he means by well-hung? What is well-hung?” Sarah’s eyes jumped in laughter. “Well, you know I’ve never had sex, but obviously I know a little bit about the average size of a penis.”
“Well yes, of course. Every woman should know the average size of a penis.” I laughed.
“What do you think the average size is?”
“I’ve heard it’s six inches.” She looked at me and cocked her head to the side. “What do you think?”
“Yeah, I’ve heard it’s about five to six.”
“So, what do you think he means by well-hung then?”
“I’m thinking he means nine inches.”
“Nine inches.” Sarah’s jaw dropped. “That would be absolutely humongous.”
“Girl, I’ve heard a thing about these Eastern European men. And, let’s just say that, when they say well-hung, I think they mean well-hung.”
I nodded my head and took another sip of wine. “You’d have to practice on a cucumber if you wanted to deepthroat an Eastern European guy.” We both started laughing and munching on the food. I sat back on the couch and grabbed my phone, “Okay, let me respond, and confirm some of these matches. And, hopefully I’ll have some dates this weekend.”
“Yeah. That sounds really cool.” She grinned at me. “I can’t wait to hear all about it.”
“Don’t worry, girl, I will tell you every sordid little detail.”
Thank you for your prompt responses. We are glad to inform you that you have matched with four top quality men. So, I know you’re wondering what happens next. This is the part that sets One True Love Dating apart from other dating apps,