him. Last night I’d felt so high and happy, even this morning I’d felt like I didn’t have a care in the world but that’s because I had been with Connor.
Now? Now I was here by myself and I wasn’t sure what the hell I was doing. I also was driving myself insane. I knew I couldn’t keep going back and forth in the situation, I either continued to date both guys and was okay with it, or made a decision. I had no idea what I wanted to do.
I thought about what other friends I could call and ask their opinion but I knew no one would understand, especially since I hadn’t spoken to a lot of my friends in at least a couple of months, aside from Sarah.
I paused for a few seconds and thought about calling my grandma, and even though I knew she was someone I could talk to about anything this was not something I wanted to go to her with. There was no way she could be impartial, and she would be the first one telling me to go to church and ask the Lord to forgive my sins because I was a bad girl.
I walked toward my bathroom and hummed to myself. I was a bad girl but I didn’t care. I thought about that song that said, “Santa baby, I’ve been an awful good girl,” and I realize I was just the opposite. “Santa baby, I’ve been an awful bad girl,” I said aloud as I started taking off my clothes.
I turned on the shower and stepped in. The water crashed down on my skin and it felt amazing. I rubbed some shampoo into my hair and massaged my scalp. There was nothing like taking a nice hot shower to make you feel refreshed. I didn’t know what I was going to do. The situation I was in was absolutely crazy. On the one hand, Lucas was amazing and on the other hand, Connor was amazing.
Lucas, I could see a real future with, but Connor, Connor was dynamite in bed. I groaned as I thought about what I’d done with the two of them in the last week. Both of them had touched me intimately. Both of them I had touched intimately. Never before in my life had I slept in bed with two guys in the same week. Never before in my life had I ever thought that would be a possibility, and yet here I was, and I wasn’t mad about it. In fact, it had felt pretty amazing.
I scrubbed my skin quickly with my loofa, I soaped myself up and then washed my skin off, stepped out of the shower and headed toward my bedroom. I walked to the closet and found a long T-shirt and some shorts, put them on and went to bed. I needed a nap. Yeah, I’d slept the night before but I hadn’t slept much. I hadn’t slept with a guy in such a long time that it’d been uncomfortable at first trying to find the right position. And then... well, we’d woken up several times in the night to make love.
Connor was insatiable. I was insatiable. I bit down on my lower lip as I thought about how he’d reached for me, just pulled me over on top of him and had me ride him in the middle of the night. We were like rabbits, we couldn’t get enough of each other.
I groaned to myself as I lay there, I wanted him right then and there. I wanted him so badly. I knew I had a difficult decision to make. I knew New Year’s Eve I would have to choose one of the men. I was not going to go into the new year with two guys because I knew Lucas would also want to be physical one-hundred-percent. And I just didn’t know if I could sleep with two guys at the same time, it just didn’t seem like a good idea for many reasons.
I could hear my phone beeping in the living room and I rolled out of bed and walked toward it. I picked it up and saw that it was Connor.
Connor: Hope you’re doing okay, miss you.
I read his text. Why did he say all the right things yet he just wasn’t the right guy?
Gemma: Just had a shower. Feel amazing.
Connor: Hope you got home okay.
I walked toward the bedroom carrying the phone, and then scrolled back to Lucas’s texts.