mean, we have a lot of chemistry and I just don’t think we should do anything physical because...” I shrugged looking away. I don’t want to have to tell him I was seeing another guy, but he had to figure it out.
“But why?” he said. “I thought we were having fun.”
“Yeah, we were having fun, but we’re not really looking for the same thing and you were honest with me and I really appreciate it but I was also honest with you. I am looking for something a bit more serious and well, you know, I’m meeting other guys and going on dates and I think I should spend my time getting to know the guys that are looking for the same thing as me as opposed to guys that just want sex.” I wrinkled my nose. He shook his head and stared at me for a few seconds before answering. He raised his hand and pushed the hair behind my ear and then lightly touched the side of my cheek.
“I understand where you’re coming from Gemma.” He nodded. “Truly, I understand. And I don’t regret being honest with you. A lot of guys will tell you what you want to hear, they’ll tell you they want to get married, they’ll tell you they want to have kids when all they want to do is get into your pants. I don’t just want to get into your pants,” he shook his head. “That’s not what this is about. I hope you know that, but I wanted to be honest in that I can’t promise you forever, you know?”
“I know that and I’m not looking for the promise of forever right now, but I’m looking to be with a guy that thinks one day he could promise forever, you know?” He let out a deep sigh and looked out of the window. I could hear him muttering something under his breath, but I didn’t know what he was saying.
“I’d still like you to come with me to the cabin.” He turned back toward me. “I was really excited to show you my own private place upstate, you know, in the forest.”
“It sounds amazing, but,” I sighed, “I just don’t think it’s a good idea, Connor.”
“I want you to come with me, Gemma. Just one night.” His eyes bore into mine and I knew what he was saying.
“I already said it would just be one date, one more date, you know? And that obviously has turned into this and I just don’t know if it’s a good idea. We...” He pressed his fingers against my lips, pulled me toward him.
“Gemma.” He looked down into my eyes and kissed my nose. “I want you to come to the cabin with me and I know that you want to come as well.” He grinned. “And yes, I mean, come in all ways.” His hands slipped around my waist and I blushed as I gazed up at him. “Just come to the cabin with me, spend the evening. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do and then in the morning, tell me if you still want this to be the end of whatever it is we have.”
“But Connor, we don’t...”
“No, Gemma, we do. We do have something. It’s just not the something you thought you wanted.”
“Connor, you’re not going to convince me that I don’t want a serious relationship. I know what I want. Next Christmas I don’t want to be alone, next Christmas I want my boyfriend to come and meet my family. I want to introduce him to my grandparents and my parents and my cousins and my uncles and I want to be proud of him. And I want when my dad and my granddad and my grandma ask him, what are his intentions that he can say, ‘This is the woman I want to marry someday.’ And you can’t do that.” I broke off feeling slightly embarrassed and nervous that someone had heard me. This was really not the place to be having a serious conversation like this.
“I understand what you’re saying, Gemma.” He nodded and took a step back. “I understand it and I respect your wishes.” He stood there for a few seconds and I just gazed at him. There was an awkward silence between us now and my heart broke into tiny little pieces. As we stood there, I could see that he was upset and I was upset too. This wasn’t how I