It Wasn't Always Like This - Joy Preble Page 0,10

smile even though both their hearts were shattered.

He wasn’t his father, who’d still sneaked glances at Emma’s mother while he prattled on and on with his endless nonsense, right up until yesterday—was it only yesterday? And now Mr. Ryan and her mother and the others were all—

No. Charlie was good and solid, and he loved Emma. He had given her that crazy pocket watch. He had told her all the secrets of his true heart. When they walked together, his hand would slip protectively to the small of her back. When they f inished each other’s sentences, she would laugh, because how amazing was it to know someone so well you could see inside the other’s head?

She tried to see inside Charlie’s head now. He didn’t mean for them to separate. How could he? He was just trying to protect her.

“Don’t,” she said, and managed to smile at him, holding his gaze even though she could see his eyes shifting this way and that. “I’ll be f ine, Charlie. I’m strong. You don’t have to—we’re together. We’ll manage.”

“Emma.” He did look at her then. Her throat felt constricted, as though the thick air refused to f low to her lungs. “I mean it.”

“You don’t.”

He was saying more words, but her ears buzzed, and she had to shake her head a few times to actually hear him.

“No,” she said. “That’s something your father would say. That’s not you—” Her hand f lew to her mouth. She shouldn’t have mentioned his dead father. She shouldn’t mention any of them; it was too much, too soon.

“It is me,” Charlie said. “And you know I’m right.” Already he was turning, walking away fast.

What? No. They were here at this crossroads because he really meant to leave her, to go one way and force her to go the other? No.

She ran after him, skirt f lapping against her legs, clasping his arm until he faced her, searching his face for something, anything to prove the lie.

“You have to go the other way, Emma.” Charlie wrenched his arm away, abrupt and cruel, like his words. Then he added, “I can’t do this. Not with you.”

She didn’t understand what “this” was, except that it somehow meant her. Them. But how was that possible? They were together. He was all she had left. “I don’t believe you.”

He walked a few more paces. She followed, her shoes leaving smudgy prints in the dust.

This time when Charlie turned, his face was ghost white, and his gaze settled somewhere over her right shoulder.

“Em,” he growled, “it’s not just that. It’s—you know it won’t work. Being together, just you and me forever. It’s like the hawks, you see? They can’t be held to one place. When I tie their jesses so they can’t f ly away, it’s not natural. I love you, Emma. But it would never be enough. Not when we have to hide because of what we are. Better to split up now when it will keep us both safe. There’s nothing left for us, Emma. It’s all gone. You know it’s the right thing to do. The only thing. Even if you hate me for it.”

She shook her head violently. “I can’t hate you. Charlie, I—”

His nostrils f lared. “I’m my father’s son, Emma. I mean, really, what did you expect?”

She knew it was a lie. She knew it. Because this wasn’t the authentic Charlie. This was an impostor. But he wasn’t backing down, even as his voice broke. She thought she might cry, too.

Something awful wormed itself into her heart. What if he was right?

From the corner of her eye, she glimpsed the woman on the porch, still staring. Maybe they did need to split up. Maybe they would be safer. If the Church of Light came after her then at least Charlie would be safe. Or if they followed him . . . She couldn’t think about that. No.

“We’ll meet up somewhere, then,” she said, to herself as much as to him. “In a few weeks. Just tell me where, and I’ll f ind you.”

He shook his head and started back down the road he had chosen.

“Charlie?”

But he kept walking. Emma could see how stiff ly he held his back, as though forcing himself not to turn around. The panic inside her welled larger, swirling with the grief and confusion. Could she be wrong? Maybe she had been fooling herself to think she could be happy forever with him. And what did he see in her now