It Sounded Better in My Head - Nina Kenwood Page 0,40
so badly that he would never think of a pillow barrier.
Jesus, calm down Natalie.
‘Okay,’ I say, and get into the bed.
‘I’ll sleep on the floor, if you want. In your nest,’ he says.
‘No, stay in the bed. The nest is not comfortable.’
‘I’ll build a big pillow barrier.’
‘It’s fine. We don’t need a pillow barrier,’ I say. I am now regretting that I have pushed us in this direction.
‘I’ll sleep on the couch, until you and Zach switch.’
‘Alex. Stop. I want us to share the bed.’
There’s a beat of silence. I can’t believe I said that. It feels starkly revealing. I want us to share the bed. It is worse than last night’s ‘get in’. I can already imagine how many times I am going to regretfully replay this sentence in my head in the future. I need to backtrack, fast.
‘I mean, I don’t want to, but I’m perfectly fine sharing,’ I say, my voice veering close to embarrassed babble.
‘Good. Because I was beginning to feel like a creep,’ Alex says.
‘You’re not a creep.’
We lie in awkward silence. Any chance of something happening has definitely disappeared.
I close my eyes and count to fifty. I should be grateful. I get to share a bed with the guy I have a crush on, for the second night in a row. That’s not nothing. It’s almost nothing, but it’s not completely one hundred per cent nothing.
‘Are you asleep?’ he says.
‘No. Are you?’ I mean, obviously he’s not.
‘No.’
I turn onto my back. I’m wide awake, even though I barely slept last night.
‘Let’s play a game,’ he says.
‘Uno?’ I ask, hopefully. I love Uno. I would definitely beat him too, and nothing relaxes me like winning a card game.
‘Not that kind of game,’ he says.
‘I’m not drinking,’ I say, suddenly wary. Jesus, maybe he has a flask tucked under the pillow.
‘No, not that kind of game either.’
‘What then?’ For a second, I think he’s going to say spin the bottle and my heart races, even though of course he won’t and we’re lying in bed and we don’t have a bottle and it’s not a two-person game and there’s absolutely no reason he would say it but—
‘Truth. We ask each other questions, and you have to answer each one truthfully, but you get three passes.’
‘That sounds like a very intense game.’
‘It’s easier when you’re drunk,’ he says.
I wonder who he has played it with drunk and who he has played it with sober.
‘You start,’ I say. I need time to formulate some questions. I have no idea how deep we’re going.
‘Okay. Do you have feelings for Zach?’ he says, without hesitation.
Shit, okay, so it’s going to be like that. ‘No, I don’t have feelings for Zach,’ I reply. ‘And that’s actually an insulting question. Zach and Lucy are my best friends. Do you think I’m plotting to break them up or something?’ I’m suddenly so annoyed that I’ve forgotten I even have a crush on Alex, and I turn towards him in the dark, ready to continue whisper-yelling. I hate that he, or anyone, might think that of me. Even if I was in love with Zach, absolutely head over heels crazy-in-love, I would never do that to Lucy. Never. I don’t know all my limits, but I know that one. Lucy comes first for me.
Alex turns to me, clearly startled by my response. ‘I phrased that wrong. I meant, before. Before they got together. Like, have you ever had feelings for Zach?’ he says.
‘Where has this question even come from?’ I say, buying time, because I don’t know whether to be truthful or not, and also I’m not sure what the truthful answer really is.
‘Mum used to tease Zach and say he was going to marry one of you. I guess she put the idea in my mind,’ Alex says.
‘Really?’ Oh god, I hope Mariella doesn’t think I’m in love with Zach and sadly trailing him and Lucy around like some kind of stalker/sad puppy.
‘I’m sorry. I should have picked an easier question to start with. Don’t forget you can pass,’ Alex says. I have the urge to push him out of the bed.
‘No, it is an easy question. I don’t, and I have never had feelings for Zach.’ The truth is a slightly more complicated version of that statement. But this is not the time to be revealing my true self to Alex, even if whispering in the dark makes me want to start telling secrets.