It Sounded Better in My Head - Nina Kenwood Page 0,31

as simple as that. Or maybe I have no idea what happened, and I never will, because they have their own secrets.

The first thing I noticed was in the early weeks of year twelve. Lucy and I were stressed. To be fair, everyone was freaking out. Our school was pretty intense. But Lucy was especially stressed. Her parents wanted her to do well. They wanted her to set the example for her younger sister. They wanted her to be top of her class in at least two subjects. They wanted her to be better than as many people as possible.

‘I have to do well,’ she said one afternoon when we were all studying together.

‘I know. Me too,’ I said, chewing my pen and not really paying much attention.

‘Your parents don’t care,’ she said.

Now I looked up. This wasn’t true and she knew it. ‘My parents do care, actually. They show it in different ways. And anyway, I care.’

‘I know, I know. I know it’s bad for everyone.’ She bent over, pretending to look for something in her schoolbag but, really, she seemed to be just trying to breathe.

‘I keep thinking about everything I need to do this year, and I feel sick,’ she said, still bent over.

I looked over her head at Zach.

‘Luce?’ he said, and put a hand on her arm, and bent over to try to see her face.

‘What?’

‘You’ll be okay. We’ll make sure it’s okay.’

The tenderness in his voice, the tenderness in his hand on her arm. I noticed it. I’m not sure what I thought, exactly, but I remember noticing how he was with her that day.

A week or so later, we were all on the train together, and a bunch of guys from Fullers College got on, in their distinctive green and yellow uniforms. They were the guys that used to scream at me about my acne. I hated them, but, even more, I hated that I was scared of them. I looked away.

The train was busy, but not packed. We were near the doors, and they got on yelling and laughing, and they walked past us, deliberately ramming into Lucy’s bag and almost knocking her over.

‘What the hell,’ she said, stumbling backwards and grabbing the pole.

The boys laughed.

‘Hey,’ Zach said.

‘What?’ One of the boys turned to him.

‘Watch what you’re doing. You almost knocked her over.’

The guy rolled his eyes. He was summing Zach up—taking in how much more muscular he was than Zach, and how many more friends he had around him, how much the situation was to his advantage. And yet Zach’s eyes were flat and unafraid. He looked calm and serious. He wasn’t trying to start a fight, but there was something forceful in his voice.

‘All right, mate. Whatever. Tell your girlfriend I’m sorry.’

The guy turned away, said something to his friends, and they all laughed.

‘I’m standing right here,’ Lucy said, looking cross, putting her hand on her hip.

‘What do you mean?’ I said.

‘He said, tell your girlfriend I’m sorry, as if I wasn’t standing right here, listening to him.’ This outraged Lucy a lot more than the original bump did.

But I had seen the way Zach’s face changed when the guy called Lucy his girlfriend, and then again when Lucy repeated it. There was something flickering there.

I became sure that he was falling in love with her. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it; a little bit sick, a little bit fascinated. I thought it was an unrequited love, at first. Lucy didn’t give much away.

Then one afternoon, I felt a shift. They were laughing, and I saw Lucy gently pushing Zach’s arm and he was staring at her with soft eyes, and I knew it was coming—something was going to happen between them. And the minute something did happen, things would change between the three of us forever, and I wasn’t in a hurry for that to happen. Still, I imagined Zach would come to me and tell me about his feelings for Lucy and ask for my advice. I imagined Lucy would confess to me first too, and I would guide them both towards each other.

I imagined I would be part of things.

Instead, everything happened when I wasn’t looking. I was busy with assignments one weekend, and I didn’t see Lucy or Zach, and then the next weekend I went with Mum to see my grandmother who lived two hours’ drive away. On the way home, I asked Mum to drop me at Zach’s house so I could