It Sounded Better in My Head - Nina Kenwood Page 0,12

I’m out of eyeline of the people chatting on the other chairs and couches.

I pull out my phone and pretend I am texting someone. I google ‘top ten tips for talking to people at parties’ and scroll through suggestions about introducing myself with a firm-but-not-too-firm handshake (I don’t know much, but this party really does not seem like the kind of party where you would shake hands with someone), asking engaging questions (it does not explain how to know if a question is engaging or not), and smiling and laughing when appropriate (which sends me into a spiral: Maybe I’ve never smiled or laughed at an appropriate time in my entire life and I just didn’t realise until this moment).

My phone battery drops to 30% and I reluctantly put it away. I have to keep it for emergency moments only now. Or maybe I can find a charger in the house. That could be a conversation opener, if I can figure out who Benny is and then ask him if I could borrow a charger, and then maybe we keep talking and I ask a bunch of really engaging questions and we hit it off. Maybe Benny and I will fall in love.

I walk back into the kitchen. Someone has spilled Coke all over the bench, so I grab a cloth and clean it up. I throw a few empty beer bottles in the bin and I’m contemplating the dirty dishes when Alex walks in.

‘Are you cleaning? Why are you cleaning?’ He’s laughing.

‘Just wiping up a spill,’ I say.

He stops laughing. ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’

‘Yes.’

‘You don’t have to stay here, you know.’ Alex sits on the bench I just wiped, and I try not to be annoyed by this.

‘What does that mean?’

‘Parties aren’t your thing.’

‘Who told you that?’

‘You did.’

‘No, I didn’t.’

‘Yeah, you did. About six months ago. You said you can’t stand parties and you hate most people.’

That definitely sounds like something I would say. I mean, it’s kind of true, but it’s also a great line for someone who is looking for an excuse not to leave her house. It’s such a relief when every internet quiz I do says I’m an introvert, like I’ve been given written permission to avoid everyone and everything. You don’t have to try now because you’re an introvert, is what I take it to mean.

‘I’ve changed my mind,’ I say.

‘Really?’

‘Yes. I love parties now. And people.’ I’m using my most upbeat tone.

‘What brought on this turnaround?’

‘I’m trying to be more open-minded. It’s my New Year’s resolution,’ I say. This is a lie. My real New Year’s resolutions are to learn how to do my own eyeliner, read one hundred books, and fix all my issues (emotional, physical, mental) before I start uni.

‘But it’s not New Year’s Eve for another four days,’ he says, smiling and making what I think my ‘top ten tips for talking to people at parties’ article would call ‘warm eye contact’.

‘I’m starting early,’ I say, trying to maintain the eye contact, which is difficult because my heart is racing.

‘Smart,’ he says.

Alex stops smiling, and his eyes go to someone behind me. I turn, and see that it’s Vanessa Nguyen, his ex. She went to my school, a year ahead of me. Now she studies fine arts at the Victorian College of the Arts and she has a nose piercing and a tattoo of a bird on her wrist and she’s cooler than I can ever dream of being. She and Alex were on-and-off again all through high school.

‘Hey, Ness,’ Alex says, and his face is all tight and tense. He’s still in love with her, I assume.

‘Hi, Vanessa,’ I say, because I am trying to show Alex that I don’t hate people.

‘Hi,’ she says to me with a hint of uncertainty. I can tell she vaguely recognises me but has no idea who I am.

‘How are you?’ Vanessa says to Alex.

I should leave, so they can have their awkward conversation in private, but I have nowhere to go and, also, I was here first.

‘I’m good, how are you?’

‘Busy. You know.’

‘Yeah. Are you still working at that bar?’

‘Nah, I quit.’

‘I’m glad. That manager was sleazy.’

‘He was the worst. How do you two know each other?’

It takes me several seconds to realise Vanessa is referring to Alex and me. It’s such an odd question—as if Alex and I are here together, as if how I know Alex matters at all.

I laugh nervously.

‘Natalie is friends with Zach. You would have seen