Internal Fixation - Tawdra Kandle Page 0,18
hold that possibility over Jenny’s head.
“Ugh. I don’t even want to think about that. Kyle is not a lover. He’s a stupid boy, and as my best friend, you are required to agree with me on that. You’re supposed to be on my side.” Jenny shook her finger at me.
“And I am. In all things,” I promised. “But don’t even joke about Noah and me, okay? I know you’re just kidding, but if someone overhears, they could think you’re serious, and then if that got out to the media . . . it would destroy our friendship.”
“I would never do that. It’s only us out here.” She made a show of lifting up a branch of the bush behind us and peering through it. “But Emma . . . maybe this is serious. Maybe there’s more to Noah’s feelings for you than just friendship.” She ripped open a bag of sour cream and onion potato chips, and the aroma wafted up to me, making my mouth water. “I don’t want to be insensitive here, but Angela’s been gone for over a year now. And Deacon’s been MIA for the same amount of time. You get along so well. You have a lot in common. You’re absolutely adorable together. Everyone thinks so.”
“Who’s everyone?” I frowned. “Who are you talking to about this?”
“No one but people who already know you,” she answered patiently. “Nico. Alison. Darcy. Anna and Jimmy. The usual suspects.”
“Oh.” I slid a forkful of lettuce, cucumbers and hearts of palm into my mouth.
“Yeah. And maybe I shouldn’t bring this up, but Emma, the way Noah looks at you when he thinks no one notices . . . God, it’s so hot. He’s such a—” Jenny broke off, casting her eyes upwards as though searching for the right word. “I don’t know, he’s just so physical. So overtly sexual, without being crude or disgusting about it. You look at him, at his natural swagger, and you just know he’d be crazy in the sack.”
“Jenny.” My cheeks heated. She wasn’t saying anything I hadn’t already thought, but hearing it out loud made it all so much more real.
“I’m not fooling around here, Em. The guy is clearly gone over you. Why not give it a go?”
“So many reasons.” I wiped off my lips and slumped back, exhaling. “So many very good reasons, Jen. His wife—Angela was the absolute love of his life. They were together from the time they were kids. They were each other’s first loves. She was . . . well, you knew Ang. She was perfect. She was gorgeous and funny and smart, and she was also sweet and loving. She thought the sun rose and set over Noah, and he worshipped the ground she walked on. They were a perfect couple. No woman wants to compete with that. No one would want to have to live in the shadow of a ghost for the rest of her life.”
“Noah’s not very old. You don’t seriously believe he’s planning to live the rest of his days as a perpetual widower, do you? He’s going to fall in love again and probably get married. Why shouldn’t it be you?” Jenny cocked her head and regarded me with amused curiosity.
“Because—because—” I sputtered. “Because he doesn’t see me like that. Because . . .” I dropped my voice, almost whispering. “Because what if I was just the rebound woman in his life? It could ruin our friendship, and I can’t stand that idea.”
“Okay.” Jenny nodded slowly. “I get that. Did you ever think that Noah might have the same worries about you? What if he’s just a convenient fill-in for Deacon?”
“That’s not even remotely comparable,” I snapped. “Angela and Noah were together for over a decade. They were in love—married—and she died. Deacon and I dated for a little over a month, and then he left. I’m not looking for a rebound. I’m not looking for anything.” I picked up my fork and dug into my salad again. “See these tomatoes? I grew them myself, on my own land. This is satisfaction. This is me, making my dreams come true. I don’t need a man in my life to be happy and content.”
“Oh, Emma.” Jenny shook her head. “Honey, if you’re looking at a tomato like it’s going to take the place of a man in your life, things are worse than I thought. Your veggies are yummy, sure, but they’re not going to hold you at night, or kiss you when