Insatiable (Steel Brothers Saga #12) - Helen Hardt Page 0,36

It was nothing compared to what happened to my brother, to Dale and Donny, to Juliet and Lisa, to Ruby even. To all of them. It was nothing.”

Jade regarded me, her lips trembling slightly.

I’m sorry.

The words were lodged in my throat.

She hadn’t deserved to be the target of my outburst, but damn it, I’d been through nothing.

Where was my fucking friend?

Just knowing my blade was waiting for me in my purse would help this angst.

But it wasn’t there.

It wasn’t there.

I walked to the kitchen quickly and opened the refrigerator. The cold air chilled my skin.

Jade didn’t follow me. Why would she? I still lived here. I did a lot of cooking. Opening the refrigerator wouldn’t be an odd thing for me to do.

She didn’t know why I was doing it, though.

I breathed in the coldness, let it flow through me, begging it to take away my troubles.

Because in truth, I didn’t have any troubles. I’d been taken against my will, and yes, I’d been frightened.

But ultimately, I hadn’t been harmed.

Not like all those other innocent souls.

I inhaled, exhaled, inhaled, exhaled…

But still the need pulsed within me. The scar on my upper thigh burned and itched.

Burned and itched.

Burned and itched.

Until—

“Marj?”

Jade’s voice. From behind me.

“Are you looking for something?”

I suppressed the urge to snap at her. She was my best friend, and she was pregnant. I was being self-indulgent.

I’d promised myself I’d stop this ridiculous self-absorption.

Why wasn’t I strong enough?

Why?

I closed the refrigerator door. “I need to talk to you.”

She nodded. “I know.” She led me down to the family room and sat next to me on the leather couch.

She didn’t push me, didn’t insist I start talking. She just sat with me, waiting.

I didn’t owe her any explanation. I didn’t owe anyone, other than Mel and Bryce, both of whom I’d lied to.

Finally, she said, “The razor blade.”

I didn’t respond, simply nodded.

“It was yours.”

Again, I nodded.

“It’s okay,” she said. “Anyone would—”

“I’m not anyone,” I said adamantly. “My brothers would have been stronger. Look at all of them, what they’ve been through.”

“Talon tried to get himself offed in Iraq,” Jade said. “Ryan nearly drove his car off a cliff when he found out about Wendy being his mother. Joe has the hottest head of all three of them, and he almost took a gun into the police station to shoot Ted Morse. Yeah, they’re strong, but they’re not invincible. They’ve had their own issues, and they’ve all nearly gone off the deep end at one time or another.”

“But—”

“I don’t blame you for idolizing them. They’re amazing, all three of them, especially the one I’m married to. I love him more than anything, but even I know when not to push him.”

“So you’re pushing me instead.” A statement, not a question.

“I’m not pushing you. I’m sitting here with you, giving you time. But if you think I can’t tell when something’s bothering my best friend, think again. I know you as well as you know yourself, Marj.”

“Not true,” I said.

“Bull.”

I chuckled. “Not true. You actually know me better than I know myself. I was trying to think what I’ve been through doesn’t matter because it was so tame compared to what Talon and the boys have been through. But you’re right. It was traumatic.”

“I know it was.”

“What you don’t know is…”

“What?”

I shook my head. I couldn’t tell her. Couldn’t.

“You can tell me.”

“The blade…”

She grabbed my arm. “I know.”

I arched my eyebrows.

“No one told me, Marj. I just know, okay? I’ve seen the scar when you have your suit on to go hot tubbing.”

“Only two others know,” I said.

“Bryce.”

“Yeah. And Melanie. She’s been helping me.”

“You can trust me. I haven’t told anyone. Not even Talon.”

“Please don’t tell Talon. If my brothers knew—”

“They’d move heaven and earth to help you,” she finished for me.

I smiled. “That’s not what I was going to say.”

“I know, but it’s the truth. They’d do anything for you. They adore you.”

“But—”

“He doesn’t blame you, Marj. He never did.”

No, Talon didn’t blame me.

“In fact,” she continued, “if it weren’t for you, Talon and I wouldn’t have met.”

I nodded again. That much was true, and Jade had changed Talon’s life. He was happy. He was complete. He was a father.

“…all because of you,” Jade was saying.

I choked back a sob. Crying was for girls.

“He’s happy,” Jade continued. “He wants you to be happy too.”

“I am,” I said. “I have everything, Jade. I have Bryce. I have you, Mel, my brothers. I am happy.”

“Marjorie”—she looked me straight in the eye—“happy people don’t carry