to dance every time I ask you. You should be here making me laugh and teasing me for my tears at the ceremony and looking so good I can’t keep my hands off you. We should be together.
But when I finally got close enough to say something, I couldn’t find it in my heart to get angry at him—not because he didn’t deserve it, but because I was emotionally wrung out.
“What are you doing here?” I asked quietly.
“God, Meg. You look . . .” He struggled for words.
“Upset?” I suggested.
He shook his head. “I was trying to come up with a better word than beautiful. But it’s all I can think of when I look at you.”
“Thank you,” I replied tightly.
“Is there somewhere private we can go to talk?” He glanced over my shoulder at the crowded dance floor.
Did I want to be alone with him? I had to think about it.
“Please,” he said, seeing my hesitation. “I need to say something to you, and I can’t think with all the noise and people around.”
“Fine. Follow me.” I led the way, heading past the bar, down a back hallway to a storage room. It was fairly empty since all the tables, linens, and many of the other decorative props we had for weddings were in use. I snapped on the light, and Noah shut the door behind him. The music and conversational hum from the reception softened.
“Thanks,” he said.
I crossed my arms. “What do you want to say?”
He swallowed and nodded. Readjusted his cap. Fidgeted. “Meg, I’m sorry,” he finally blurted. “I feel like shit about what happened.”
“Is that it?”
“Well, yes.”
“Apology accepted. Goodnight.” I moved for the door and he caught me by the elbow.
“Wait. Please.” He took a breath and closed his eyes for a second. “There’s more.”
I pulled my arm from his grasp and hugged myself. Stood with one foot crossed over the other. “Okay.”
“I don’t think I explained myself very well yesterday. You caught me off guard when you said you might move back, and what you got was a gut reaction.”
“But was it honest?” I asked. “Is that the way you feel?”
“Yes,” he admitted, “but—”
“Then I think you explained yourself just fine, Noah. There’s no confusion.” My eyes filled. “I didn’t want to say goodbye, and you did.”
“But it’s not because I don’t care about you.” His expression was agonized as he took me by the shoulders. “You have to know that. I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. No matter where I go or who I’m with or how long we’re apart, I never stop thinking about you. I never stop wanting you. I’ve always loved you.”
“Bullshit,” I said, unable to stop the sobs from escaping. I shook my head. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t have taken my heart and crushed the life out of it yesterday. You would have given us a chance.”
He gripped my shoulders harder. “You don’t understand. I can’t be what you want. I can’t give you everything that you deserve. I can’t make you happy.”
“That’s a choice you’re making!” I cried. “It’s not that you can’t, it’s that you won’t.”
“It’s the same either way. And it’s not going to change.” His voice lowered to a whisper. “Please don’t hate me for it.”
“I’ll never hate you,” I wept helplessly, tears streaming down my face. “I love you too much.”
He pulled me into his chest and held me so tight, I could hardly breathe. I clung to him, crying into his shoulder, my tears, lipstick and eye makeup smearing all over his shirt. “I’m sorry,” he kept saying, his voice breaking over the words. “I’m sorry. I wish things were different.”
It only made me cry harder. I forced myself to break away, wrenching myself from his arms. “So do I, Noah. I’d hoped this would be only the beginning for us. But instead, this is goodbye.”
Without giving him a chance to stop me, I turned from him and ran from the room.
Twenty-Seven
Noah
My gut instinct was to chase her, but I shut it down. Like she’d said, this was my choice, and I had to be willing to watch her walk away.
But it felt like knives being thrown into my heart.
She was so damn beautiful. And that dress—oh my God, I’d nearly dropped to my knees at the sight of her in it. She’d said it was long, but she hadn’t mentioned the thigh-high slit in the front. And she’d said it had sleeves, but she’d neglected to