Innocent - Roe Horvat Page 0,58

felt so helpless. When he reached out to take Navid into his arms, Navid recoiled and cowered in the corner of the shower stall.

Defeated, Zana sat on the mat in front of the shower and waited in silence. It seemed like an eternity. The hunch Zana had had in the middle of the heat, thinking that they might get lucky after all, had been just that: a hunch. Theoretically, Navid could be pregnant; they wouldn’t know for sure until several weeks after the heat. Yet seeing Navid suffer, sobs wrecking his naked body, Zana couldn’t find any hope in his heart.

After maybe an hour, Navid scrambled up to stand. He wouldn’t look at Zana. Zana set the water temperature and waited outside the stall with a towel in his hands while Navid showered. Haggard, eyes red, face pale, Navid accepted the towel and passed Zana in silence. Zana had never felt so helpless in his entire life.

“I don’t know what to do,” Zana said into the phone. It was the sixth day of the recovery, and he felt so damned brittle. Desperate, he’d left Navid in the sunroom, escaped to his study, and called his omega dad. “He was reading in the sunroom while I worked. Baba, he hadn’t turned a page in more than half an hour. I couldn’t bear it any longer. Please tell me what to do.”

“My dear boy.” His baba sighed heavily. “You can’t do anything.”

“I can’t just sit and watch him suffer. I need to be able to take care of my husband. There must be something I can do? This is… I can’t even hold him, Baba!” Against his will, Zana’s voice rose, but god, he just wanted to smash something or run or scream. Do anything but sit quietly and wait. “Why can’t I hold him? He’s in so much pain. He keeps touching his stomach, and sometimes, I see the silent tears on his cheeks, and it breaks my heart. Why doesn’t he let me hold him?” He paced with the phone in his hand, grinding his teeth.

“Zana.” His baba’s strict tone made Zana freeze in the middle of the room. “What you’re going to do is to control yourself.”

He was making a scene, wasn’t he? Chastised, he sat on the edge of his desk and slumped. As always, his baba was right. His ranting wouldn’t help Navid. He cringed at the thought of Navid overhearing. “I apologize.”

“Navid doesn’t need to handle your flailing emotions on top of his own. He’s recovering. Of course, he can’t bear you touching him. You knew it would be like this. But he still needs to feel your presence. You’re going to stay in the room with him unless he asks you to leave. You’ll be calm, strong, and kind. You won’t fail your husband now when he needs you the most.”

Wiping at his eyes, Zana nodded. “I won’t fail him.” He took a shuddering breath. “Baba, he’s anguished. It hurts so much to see it. I know he’s still hoping he might be pregnant, but we both know how small the chance is. I don’t even care anymore. I only want it to be over so he can heal.”

“Zana, now is not the time. When he’s deeply asleep, call me again, and you can cry or throw things.” A small wobble betrayed his baba’s feelings. “But Navid can’t carry your pain too. Now, get yourself under control and go back to him.”

“I’m sorry, Baba. I’m going.” He straightened and inhaled, letting the breath out on a loud sigh. He had a challenging task, but that was what he excelled at, wasn’t it? Challenges. He’d be his husband’s rock. Whatever would happen, he’d be strong for Navid.

“You make me proud, Zana.”

“Thank you, Baba.”

Navid couldn’t bear any kind of physical touch for eight days. On the ninth day, early in the morning, he rolled on the bed in his sleep and pressed to Zana’s side. With a sob of relief, Zana wrapped his arms around him.

“You’re back, thank god.” His whispers didn’t wake Navid. “I’ve missed you so much, my love.”

He didn’t fall asleep again. For the next three hours, before the alarm would shriek, he only held his beloved boy, kissing his hair and breathing him in, careful not to wake him.

Three weeks later, Zana watched Navid sleep peacefully. His cheeks were a little pink, and his lips parted on a small sigh. Zana smiled. Navid was dreaming of desire. If Zana closed his eyes, he