Innocent - Roe Horvat Page 0,53

results.”

A deep sigh lifted Zana’s chest under his cheek. “You’re right, Navid. You know me well.”

“I’ve thought about it a lot, and I’ve prepared myself for it. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Of course I worry.”

“I can’t give you what you hoped for when you claimed me. You wouldn’t have chosen me if you knew.”

“Navid, no…”

“Please let me finish. Whatever you decide to do, I won’t stand in your way. I know you’re an honorable man and that you’ll provide for me. I’m not afraid. If you want to bring a second husband or a lover into our home…”

Zana sucked in a breath, his body tensing under Navid’s, but Navid continued.

“…I’ll treat him with kindness. If you wish to release me from my vows…” It was so easy. His voice was a little hollow but firm, and he surprised himself. He’d never thought he’d be able to say the words. He was even stronger than he’d thought. “…I’ll leave gracefully, and I promise you that whenever I say your name in the future, it’ll be with gratitude and respect. You’re not bound to me. You’re free to seek happiness. It’s your right.”

“Navid, look at me.”

No. That, he couldn’t do.

Zana shifted and clasped his face between his hands.

“Navid.”

He kept his eyes squeezed shut. “Please don’t make me,” he whispered.

Swiftly, Zana slid from underneath his body, and Navid remained seated on the sofa, shocked by the sudden chill. Zana clutched his knees.

“Look at me.”

Already, the tears burned behind his eyelids.

“I’m ordering you to look at me, Navid. Now.”

Zana had never given him an order before. Shocked, Navid opened his eyes, and tears spilled down his cheeks.

The anger, the pain, the fire in Zana’s eyes. He recoiled, but Zana dug his fingers into his legs, keeping him pinned in place.

“I love you.” Zana’s voice was angry. So angry. “You. Your heart, your mind, your body. How could you even think I’d leave you? You’re mine. You’re a part of me. I could just as easily cut my own arm off.”

The words didn’t make sense. Navid tried to breathe, but tears clogged his throat.

“I married you because of who you are and not because of what you could give me,” Zana said, calmer now. “And I’m never giving you up.”

Sobs tore out of Navid’s chest, and he lost his sight again. Zana pulled him down in his strong arms, and he didn’t have the power to struggle. They sat on the floor, intertwined, Navid’s legs over Zana’s, Zana’s arms around him.

“Please, hold me,” Zana pleaded with him, and Navid couldn’t deny him. He roped his arms around Zana’s neck and held tight as he cried, drawing choking breaths into his aching lungs.

“I love you,” Zana said urgently. “I promised to make you happy, and I will. We decide together what we’re going to do. But I’m not giving you up. Never. And you’re not allowed to leave me. You’re mine. Only mine. Do you understand?”

Breathing got a little easier, and Navid nodded. Zana cupped his nape, and his voice softened.

“Don’t scare me like this. You’re my everything, my sweetest boy.” Wet, openmouthed kisses rained on his cheek and jaw. “Navid Massoud, the keeper of my heart. You’re so strong, so brave, but you don’t have to be. You need to grieve, my darling.” A long kiss to his temple. “I know how much it hurts you. You need to grieve and heal. I’ll take care of you, and I’m not letting you out of my sight again. You’ll heal, and when it hurts a little less, we’ll talk. We will find a solution.”

For the first time in weeks, Navid felt he might be able to live with the emptiness inside him. As long as Zana held him, he would survive.

The doctor had said the heat would come within a week. Since they’d gotten the results, Zana worked from home. He only made a couple of phone calls a day, sometimes accepting visits from his directors and sometimes typing from his computer in the living room while Navid tried to study and read on the sofa. They took long walks and went running together.

Their lovemaking was bittersweet. Some nights, Navid wept, even as he basked in pleasure, and Zana kissed his tears away patiently. Being filled soothed him, and he needed it more the closer to his heat he was. Zana made love to him slowly and deeply, and Navid glimpsed a flicker of hope in the darkness. Ten percent.

He even tried it. He