Inked Persuasion (Montgomery Ink Fort Collins #1) - Carrie Ann Ryan Page 0,55

and an equal. And I need that. We’re going slow, and I’m enjoying it. But I think I love him. I’ve never been in love before.”

I looked down at my hands and frowned. “I haven’t either,” I said.

“So, not you and Jacob?” Paige gently prodded.

I laughed. “I told you, it’s not serious. I like Jacob, but it’s not the same as you and Colton. And I didn’t love Jonah the way you love Colton. Jonah was my friend, and he became my husband in the end. To fulfill a wish. But it was for hope, not like you’re feeling.”

Eliza and Brenna knew about the marriage because the country did, at least our part of it. And I had told my best friends. They’d held me as I cried over it because I still missed the best friend I’d had before them. But they knew just as I did that what I’d had with Jonah had been friendship and hope to bring about a gentle peace, not what a husband and wife should have.

Paige turned to Eliza. “You’ve been in love before. I mean, you are in love,” Paige corrected, and Eliza laughed.

“Yes, I love my husband. And I can’t tell you what it feels like to fall in love. I just woke up one day and knew. It was as if I’d been falling every moment until the day I woke up and knew that he was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He was a little more headstrong about the idea of love,” she said, and I leaned forward.

“What?” I asked. I didn’t know the tale of how Eliza and Marshall fell in love. When I met her, she was already married, having moved here with her husband for his job.

“We met young,” Eliza explained. “Not even eighteen yet,” she added. “And he fell in love with me first. At least that’s what he said, and I believe him. He always knows what he wants and goes for it. I take a little more time sometimes. That’s how we fell in love. It’s like this…knowing, this idea that the person you’re with could be with you forever. Where you can’t imagine yourself without them. And then, when you try to think about how it happened, or what your life could be like if you hadn’t met them, you can’t. It’s this odd paradox where it doesn’t exist in your reality. I just love him. And I miss him every day. I cannot wait for him to come home.” Her eyes filled with tears, and since Brenna was closer, she held our friend.

“That is the sweetest thing,” Paige said, taking a napkin to wipe her tears. I took one myself and dabbed at my eyes.

“I want that,” Brenna said into the silence. We all looked at her, and she shrugged.

I smiled. “I’ve never had that, but I want that, too. Maybe one day. But I love that you have it, and that Paige might, too.”

“Maybe,” Paige said. “I think love is different for everybody, but I can practically taste the ideas you’re telling me,” Paige said. “I don’t know if that’s the right word, but you know what I mean.”

Eliza laughed. “I know. It’s almost tangible.”

“Exactly,” Paige said.

We began talking about love and futures, and I sank back, listening. I was happy, wasn’t I? I had never had that feeling Eliza explained before, yet maybe that was a lie. Perhaps if I allowed myself to think about it, and what it would mean to have someone in my life like that, I would see a face.

And the fact that I was afraid I already knew who I’d see, who I could already imagine myself allowing into my life, scared me.

Because I needed to be happy with what I had. I needed to focus on work and not take things too seriously. I needed to remember that I was already happy, and I didn’t need anything else. And if I kept lying to myself, maybe one day I would believe it.

Chapter 15

Jacob

“I cannot believe that movie ended the way it did,” Annabelle said, shaking her head as she leaned into me. I pulled her closer, and the two of us made our way through the park for our evening stroll after the movie.

“Well, it wasn’t a romance. I think everybody was supposed to end up murdered. Or walk away sad. Apparently, it’s art.”

Annabelle looked at me and laughed. “Wow, look at you, sounding all snide