Inked Obsession (Montgomery Ink Fort Collins #2) - Carrie Ann Ryan Page 0,28
my foot in my mouth. “Well, I wanted to head you off at the pass. I didn’t want to make things awkward.”
She sputtered, hopped off the tall chair, and started to pace my kitchen.
Well, shit. I had done something wrong. It seemed that was all I kept doing when it came to Brenna these days. And once again, it was my fault.
“I don’t love you, Beckett. Not in that way. I realize that everybody in our life thinks that I do, that I have this secret crush that I’m never going to get over. That’s not it. I have things going on in my life that have nothing to do with you. Yes, I may have had a crush on you at one point, but we were much younger then, and then I saw you throw up after you ate too many Jell-O shots, and the love and whatever crush I could have had quickly went away.”
Mortified, I put my hands over my face and groaned. “Brenna.”
“No, I’m going to continue. Thank you for thinking so highly of yourself that the moment I say I want to speak to you and try to act as if we’re okay, you think I must be confessing my feelings for you. And thank you for making me feel like I’m an idiot.”
I let my hands fall and growled. “You aren’t, Brenna. I am.”
“Oh, look, for the first time in a very long time, we agree on something.”
“What?” I said, frowning.
“Beckett, when’s the last time you came over to my house?” I opened my mouth to say something, and she held up her hand. “And, no, not so I can lure you into a sweet seduction.”
I cringed. “Brenna.”
“Let me continue. When was the last time you came over? When was the last time you asked me to hang out with you? It’s been months. It’s always me coming to you lately. Hell, I’ve been spending more time with Lee and Benjamin than I have with you recently.”
“You have?” I asked, curious.
“Not because I love them either. Because I have friends. I’m also friends with Annabelle. It’s amazing that I can be a complex person and have more than one friendship.”
“That’s not what I meant, Brenna.”
“I know. Then again, I don’t really know what you mean these days. You’re my friend. I don’t love you like everyone thinks I do. Not that way. Things are weird.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, even though I knew why they were weird.
“You’ve been strange for a while now, and it feels like you’re keeping secrets from me.”
“It’s not that I’m keeping secrets…” I said, knowing I was lying.
She blinked at me and gave me a sad smile. “I used to be able to read you. I used to be able to know when you were lying to me. I don’t know now. Something happened. Something changed. And maybe it’s not my right to know. Maybe I’m wrong. I’m not trying to emotionally manipulate you or do anything crazy for you to tell me. Still, I want you to know that I’m here. I want you to know that I will always be here. I don’t like that you’re keeping something from me. And it’s hurting you. I can see that. So, it’s hurting me. You’re my best friend, Beckett. And yet, I don’t know who you are right now. And I hate it. You’re in pain, and you’re lying to me.” She sighed, looked down at her half-eaten waffle, and shook her head. She came to my side, kissed me on the cheek, and I felt the friendship there. And nothing else. Not what others thought. I was a damn idiot.
“I love you, Beckett. And maybe I’m being selfish for wanting to know what’s wrong, and that’s fine. I’m responsible for my feelings. When you’re ready, just know I’m here. Because I love you. We all do. Just like we love Eliza. I only wish you would stop lying to me.” And then she grabbed her bag and left, and I sat there in the kitchen, feeling like an asshole.
I didn’t know why I was hiding things from her. Hiding things from everyone. It didn’t make any sense. I couldn’t stop.
The moment I said it aloud, it would be real.
Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t do anything. So, I did nothing. Just let my best friend leave, knowing I needed to fix things.