The Initiation Page 0,44

struck her suddenly, and she almost laughed at the irony. They were condolence calls! Cassie was standing in for the Club. All of these outsiders were coming to her, not realizing that she was as much outside as any of them.

When a cheerleader came and said, "Oh, this must be so hard for you," Cassie lost it.

"I didn't even know her!" she burst out. "I only spoke to her once in my life!"

The cheerleader backed off hastily. After that the condolence calls stopped.

Ms. Lanning, the history teacher, drove Cassie home. She sidestepped her mother's worried questioning - apparently the school had called to explain what had happened - and went outside. She climbed down the steep bluff to the beach below her grandmother's house.

The ocean had never looked bleaker. It was a heavy, shining silver color - like the mercury in a thermometer. The day, which had started out so bright, had turned overcast, and it got darker and darker as Cassie paced.

And paced. This beach had been one of the good things about living here - but what good was it now? She was walking on it alone.

Her chest was bursting. It was as if all the terrible events of the day were locked inside her, struggling to get out. But there was no release.

She'd thought being an outcast at school was the worst thing that could happen to her. But it was worse to almost belong, and to know inside that you didn't, and never would. She knew it was selfish to care about herself after what had happened to Kori, but she couldn't help it. With all the rage of confusion and pain inside her, she almost envied Kori. Kori was dead, but she still belonged. She had a place.

Cassie, on the other hand, had never felt so lonely.

The sky was dark gray. The ocean stretched out endlessly beneath it, even darker. Looking at it, Cassie felt a strange and terrible fascination. If she just started walking toward it and kept on going...

Stop that! she thought savagely. Get hold of yourself.

But it would be so easy...

Yes, and then you'd really be alone. Alone forever, in the dark. Sounds good, doesn't it, Cassie?

Shivering violently, she wrenched herself away from the whispering gray waters. Her feet were numb and cold and her fingers felt like ice. She stumbled as she climbed up the narrow, rocky path.

That night, she pulled all the curtains shut in her room so she wouldn't have to see the ocean or the darkness outside. Chest aching, she opened her jewelry box and took out the piece of chalcedony.

I haven't touched your gift in a while. But I've thought about you. Whatever I'm doing, wherever I am, you're somewhere in my mind. And oh, how I wish...

Her hand shook as she shut her eyes and put the stone to her lips. She felt the familiar crystalline roughness, the coolness of it warming to her warmth. Her breath came more quickly and tears started to her eyes. Oh, someday, someday, she thought...

Then her mouth twisted in pain. A surge of something like lava welled up in her chest, and she threw the stone as hard as she could across the room. It hit the wall with a sharp sound and fell, clattering, to the floor.

Someday nothing! the cruel voice inside her cried. Stop fooling yourself! You'll never see him again.

She lay in bed staring with sore eyes into the dimness, lit by a small night-light on the far wall. She couldn't cry. All her tears had been scorched away. But her heart felt as if it had been torn open.

Cassie was dreaming of the ocean - the dark and endless ocean. The ship was in trouble - she could hear the timbers creaking beneath her. They were going aground. And something was lost... lost...

She came awake all at once, sucking in her breath. Was that a noise?

Body tense, she listened. Silence. Her eyes struggled to pierce the darkness. The night-light had gone out.

Why hadn't it occurred to her to be afraid earlier? What had been wrong with her this evening? She'd gone out there on the beach alone, never even wondering if the person who'd killed Kori might be watching, waiting...

Accident, she thought, every sense alert and straining. They said it was probably an accident. But her heart was thundering dizzily. She seemed to see scintillating lights in the darkness. And she could feel ...

A presence. Like a shadow in front of her. Oh, God, she could