“No, no, my love. It’s not an insult. You’re under the mistaken impression that men want their women to be funny.”
“No, no, my love,” Riley said. “It’s you who’s under the mistaken impression that women don’t want their men to be funny.”
Julian nodded approvingly. “That was funny, Riles.”
“Thanks, Jules. Ashton, you should try being more like Jules. Because unlike you, see, he is actually funny.”
“Fuck you, Jules.”
“What did I do?” Then Julian added, “You know, Ash, if you can stimulate your girl to laughter, and I mean real, head thrown back, deep throated, full and loud laughter, perhaps she will become more open to you and you can stimulate her to other things.”
“Fuck you, Jules!” And later: “All right, I’ll try to be funnier,” Ashton said. “Let’s try it Julian’s way.”
“Said the bishop to the barmaid,” said Julian.
To be funnier, Ashton told a joke. “Joe Gideon says to the masseuse, ‘Excuse me, miss, how much do you charge for genitalia?’ and she replies, ‘Oh, the same as for Jews, Mr. Gideon!’”
The four of them threw back their heads and laughed. They loved L.A. and All That Jazz.
Fast forward.
“Yes, I’m moving to London. It will help my dear old dad, and you know how close we are. Kidding aside, though, I’ve always wanted to live in Notting Hill. It’s on my bucket list. Of course I’ll still keep the Treasure Box. Why would I give that up? It’s my life.”
Fast forward.
“Yes, I’m selling the Treasure Box. Don’t look so deflated. It’s just a store. I’ll get another one if I really want to be tied down again. Right now I’d like to travel, see the world. You in, Jules? Where have we been besides London? Nowhere, exactly. Want to go to France? We have the time. What do you say, we can be two free men in Paris, so we can do our best, maybe feel alive.” Ashton grinned, humming, drumming. “Because you’re a very good friend of mine.”
Fast forward.
“She is going to break you,” Ashton said as they were coming home one night, unconscionably intoxicated. “I told you she was going to bust you open, and did you listen? You never listen to me, because you think you know everything, you think you’re the only one with gut feelings.”
“You sure you’re talking about me?”
“She turned to you, eyes blazing,” Ashton continued, “like you were her enemy in the ring and said, tonight, I keel you. And so far, nothing you’ve done has stopped her from fulfilling her promise.”
“Why am I even here?” Julian said.
“You’re like my dad, you both keep asking, why are we here,” said Ashton. “Why is anything here is a better question. Not why do you bother to exist, but why does anything bother to exist at all?”
“Because. The art of living in this world,” Julian replied, recalling Marcus Aurelius, “is to teach us that whatsoever falls upon man, he may be ready for it—that nothing may cast him down.”
“Some things cast you down,” Ashton said. “Bow out, Julian. As if you have a choice. Admit when you’ve been defeated. Forget you ever loved her. That’s what I had to do.” His head was bowed. “Forget I ever loved them.”
“Let’s go to Paris, Ash.”
“Okay, let’s. But first come with me to the wedding in York.”
“I can’t.” He had a lot to do to get ready for the equinox.
Was this the end? Were these wretched memories Julian’s life passing before his eyes?
No, he realized.
Not his life.
Their friendship was the beginning of everything.
How could Ashton be the one on whom the tempests fell.
Run along, my only friend.
Rewind the reel, rewind.
Part One
London Pride
O’er fields and towns, from sea to sea,
Passed the pageant swift and free,
Tearing up, and trampling down;
Till they came for London town.
Percy Bysshe Shelley
Illustration by Paullina Simons
1
Anonymous
“ANYONE CAN STOP A MAN’S LIFE,” DEVI SAID, QUOTING Seneca, probably thinking he was being comforting, “but no one his death: a thousand doors open onto it.”
Don’t speak to me. Don’t look at me. Leave me alone.
He had begged her, begged her not to, yet Shae still left him behind.
“Stumble up from your river of loneliness,” Julian heard Devi say. “We know you’re in sorrow. But you’re not alone. Ava and I are with you. You’re separated from your heart, yes, but don’t think of how little you did for her, think rather about how much she did for you. Her love for you saved your life. That man would’ve killed you and desecrated you. And then killed her, and desecrated her.