words. We’re treading a path through the marsh grass, the frozen ground hard beneath our soles. To our right, the dunes glitter, and beyond them lies the Motherlake. The caverns are less than a mile away.
“You tie your boots wrong,” Oskar finally says, his voice low but startling as he breaks our silence. “I always wondered why. At first I thought maybe it was because of your fingers. Every time I saw you knotting the strings, I wanted to come over and tie them for you. I never did, though.”
I glance down at the toes of my boots, poking from beneath my skirt with every step. “Why?”
The pale light from above caresses his stubbly cheeks. “You always looked so focused and determined, and once you’d finished, your smile was as bright as a star. I didn’t want to take that from you.”
“Well, now I feel foolish.” I wonder if he hears the unsteadiness in each word.
He tugs my left hand, pulling me to his other side. His arm wraps around my waist, and he gently takes my mangled right hand in his.
He looks down at my open palm, stroking his thumb over the calluses on the fleshy pads beneath my remaining fingers. “In the first days you were with us, you had so many blisters, and I could tell they hurt.”
I stop breathing as he lifts my hand and kisses the center of my palm.
“I know each one, Elli,” he says softly. “This one’s from grinding corn—” He traces the firm callus beneath my middle finger. “These came from the loom—” He kisses my three fingertips, and I feel every brush of his mouth low in my belly. It’s the sweetest of tugs, almost lifting the weight of my sadness and grief. “This one from skinning pelts—” His lips skim over the flesh between my thumb and pointer finger. “Every time I saw a new one, I wanted to pull you aside and bandage you up.”
“But you didn’t.” I wish I could stop shaking.
His eyes meet mine. “Because you were proud of them. I saw you looking at them with something like wonder on your face. I watched you run your own fingers over them, wincing and then grinning. And when I understood why, when I found out who you were and thought about what your life must have been like before, I was even more amazed.”
Why does he have to say this now, when everything is falling apart? I don’t think I can stay with him. War is coming, the Kupari city is in chaos, and a few miles from here lies a group of magic wielders who know what I can do. They’ll come after me. It won’t take long.
As long as I’m alive, I can be used. A tool for killing and destruction.
I force my voice into lightness. “Had you been wondering why a maidservant from the city was so useless and coddled? Or did you think that was why they whipped me?”
He lets out a bemused laugh. “I suppose I brushed it off. We live differently out here. Or maybe I was too taken with you to question your magic.”
“Magic,” I scoff.
He smiles, one of those rare smiles that makes his eyes crinkle. “When I first found you, I wasn’t affected by it, but every day, its hold on me grew stronger. And nowadays, your laugh makes me feel like I’m falling. When you look at me, I’m suddenly warm. The sight of you makes my heart speed. Do you really think the only magic in this world comes from fire and ice?”
He turns my hand over and kisses the shiny pink scars where my two fingers used to be, and that’s all it takes to make my tears streak down my cheeks.
“Now tell me it wasn’t selfish of you to leave,” he says.
“I didn’t want to be a duty or an obligation,” I mumble.
“You’re neither.” He takes my face in his hands, cool palms against my hot cheeks. “Nor are you a convenience, a tool, a weapon, or, stars save me, a queen, though you have all the grace of one. Not to me. You’re just Elli.” He leans down and touches my forehead with his. “And you have to understand that is more than enough.”
If he tries to protect me, he could be hurt. If I stay to protect him, I could be used against him by another wielder. Are the two of us together strong enough to hold off our enemies?