need I’ll give it to you, but you have to tell me.”
“I feel like…” Shiloh started to say.
“Feel like what?”
“Like I’m losing control.”
Shit. That wasn’t good. Shiloh feeling that meant she’d do whatever she felt she had to do to wrestle that control back. Killer Frost would come out and she’d freeze out everyone around her and I’d be the first to feel that chill.
“Maybe that’s what you need. You’re holding on so tight you can’t let go of the things you need to. The things weighing you down.”
“She’s coming, Luke. I know it and I’m doing everything I can to stop it, but I told you what happens when someone gets close—I turn nasty. I don’t want to do that to you but I’m losing control and all I want to do is make you go away so I don’t have to face my life.”
Well, fuck me.
“Baby, that’s probably the most self-aware thing I’ve ever heard. Maybe you’re not losing control, maybe you’re finally finding it. You know what’s happening, you’re brave enough to be honest about it, and strong enough to admit why you’re doing it.”
“I don’t think I’m strong enough to stop her.”
Fuck. She knew.
“Killer Frost?” I asked and she nodded.
“I know that’s what they call me, and it fits. Anyone who has ever tried to get close gets blasted.”
“Do you want them to stay?” I asked and tipped my head toward the living room.
“Yeah.”
“Okay. Do you need help?”
“No. You go sit with them. That way you can reassure my brothers I’m good.”
Right. Nothing was going to convince Phoenix and River their sister was okay. But I wasn’t going to argue.
“Need you to promise me something before I go.”
“What’s that?” she asked warily.
“That you understand no matter what you say to me, how hard you try to push me away, I’m not leaving. Not physically but especially not emotionally. I will not abandon you. I will not allow you to close down and keep yourself from me.”
“I’m counting on that,” she whispered.
I stood motionless as the burn worked its way through my body. A burn that cauterized old wounds I hadn’t realized weren’t healed. Leftover abrasions on my soul that had yet to be treated. Some were minor—the residual pain of losing my career. Some were bigger, marks that would never fully go away but hadn’t yet scarred over. Things I’d done and seen and failed to do. But one thing I knew for certain, Shiloh Kent, a woman who did not trust, did not allow herself to connect, held herself remote, would not believe in me unless I’d earned it. So, yeah, fuck yeah, the old wounds sealed over.
“If we didn’t have company including two of your brothers sitting in your living room, I’d drag your ass into your bedroom and show you what your trust means to me.”
“They have to leave sometime,” she returned with a smile.
“I’m being very serious, Shiloh. Means the world to me, baby.”
Her face softened—no, everything softened as she silently stared at me.
“The world,” I repeated.
“Means the world to me, too, Luke, knowing you won’t leave me.”
Fucking hell. She knew that, too.
Thank Christ.
“I’m walking out of the kitchen now before I stop having a care your brothers are here and would likely be displeased, they saw me hauling you through your living room.”
“That’s a good idea. I’m not sure if Phoenix or River could live through that kind of trauma.”
“Right.”
I tagged my beer off the counter and hightailed my ass out of Shiloh’s kitchen. Not because I was worried my control would slip and her brothers would witness something that would likely turn them off sex for a very long time. Something bigger was at play, something that needed to be contained. Because while Shiloh was holding on, acknowledging what she was feeling, telling her I loved her might push her too far. And I needed her as close as I could get her right now.
“Please tell me you made brownies,” River said from across the table.
It was after dinner; dirty plates, empty serving plates, beer bottles, and balled-up napkins littered the table. No one was getting up to clear or clean. Not because the men around the table were being rude, it was because no one could move. Even though everyone had eaten at the picnic they’d still decimated the meal Shiloh had made.
“Sadly, I did not,” Shiloh returned.
“Ice cream?” River tried.
“Nope.”
“Cookies?”
“Jesus, Riv, you ate half a pig earlier,” Phoenix said. “And just now, two pieces of chicken and a