Imp And The Beast - Stephanie Hudson
One
MY BAD
“Haha, Gotcha!” I shouted with utter joy at beating my latest foe… sneaky little bastard couldn’t escape my genius, or my rainbow glitter flip flop for that matter. Of course, the battle wasn’t over as the little bulgy eyed bugger had a comrade, one that now wanted to get his revenge for me squishing his friend.
“Wah you doing, Aunty Pippy?” the sweetest voice in the world asked from behind where I was balancing on a pair of rare late-17th century walnut chairs. They were English, and what was known in the fussy fart of the antique world as the William and Mary period, circa 1695. I mean, how jammy is that? Born into royalty and then have an era of furniture making, one you had nothing to do with, named after you!
Not that I was bitter, of course, because unlike these silver-spooned bloomers, I had contributed in other ways to the Western world. But oh no, that list would have been classed as bragging. Like the time I introduced my buddy Leo to Lisa del Giocondo, better known as Mona Lisa, who just so happened to become the most recognised painting in history. Or like when I invented the word Dude back in the 1870’s, no one thought it was going to catch on in replacing the word dandy, but yet here we are now and it’s still going strong. Take that, Shakespeare. I mean, okay, so the dude (see what I did there) did invent like a bazillion words in the English language, but come on, ‘fishify’, what was he thinking with that one!? Now, as for Wittolly and Zany, now those were the Shanizzle!
But that’s getting way off the bug killing topic, and well, I was barely on it to begin with before my mind led me down the fancy chair route. At this point, I should probably mention that I kinda suffer from what I like to call Squirrel syndrome… thank you Pixar’s movie UP for that little beauty. Basically, for those who haven’t seen this ECC (Epic Cuteness Classic), it’s when the dogs are all talking and then suddenly stop as they smell a squirrel. Well, this is like me and my brain. We don’t always get along… and yes, I know what you’re thinking, is this chick mental? And the answer would be a possible yes, what I tell people is a definite no.
Truth is I was just… Me.
Uniquely unique.
Like the comforting butter you want on a sandwich even when your filling is wet and you don’t need it, because your bread isn’t dry and you can’t even taste it… but, like I said, it’s comforting, so you spread me anyway. Now was this madness…? To some brainy dude with glasses, potentially so… but to those who know me, I’m just spreadable fat you want to lick off your finger or smother over your baked potato.
So, getting away from butter and back to the question…
“I’m catching flies, sweet pea, peach, pear, plum,” I said, knowing she would giggle at her long-winded name that was always worth it in my mind. Of course, everything I said was usually long winded but geez, those crazy looks I get made it totally worth it! But my complete and utter favourites were the warm, lovely big ones I got from my snuggle bun cake…
My Adam.
He was the Joker to my Harley Quinn, the Mulder to my Scully, the Bert to my Ernie, the iron to my Man… err, wait, not sure that one works, but hey you get the idea here. Adam was my everything! Of course, he also was the most powerful being in all the Realms combined, but to me, he was simply my squishems.
Now of course, it wasn’t always like this, as at one time I was meant to be a crunchy little snack for the big guy, hulk side of Adam, but that was until he got to know me, and realised sometimes even food could be entertaining… and not in a ‘hey look this apple is cut into the shape of a bird’ way, which I could totally do. Now, making a bird apple fly was another thing entirely, as throwing it off the top of Afterlife didn’t exactly go well, especially not when it fell on the roof of a Ferrari that the King of Kings had been getting into at the time. Let’s just say that shit like that was kinda my calling card, so it didn’t take a genius to know