After all these years, my father’s aim was still true.
“I . . . I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that Dad—”
“Victor,” I interrupted. My voice was Alaska winter cold. “I call him Victor.”
“Right,” he continued. “Victor and Mom never mentioned anything. Mom died a few years ago, so I can’t interrogate her, but I asked Dad, I mean, um, Victor. Anyway, he was really sorry about it. He’s been trying to reach you over the years, but he said you didn’t want to see him again.”
“He’s right. I don’t. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been a shock, but a good one meeting you. You were innocent in all of this. Your mom and your father were not.”
“Look, I get where you are, and I don’t know how else to say this, but I really wish you would consider changing your mind. Dad—Victor is dying.”
“How?”
“Emphysema. He’s in the last stages. He can barely breathe.”
I could barely breathe. Fighting against my panic, I drew in a deep, life-affirming gasp.
“H-he . . .” I cleared my throat. “Okay.”
Daddy.
I swallowed the surge of emotions that rose in my near-frozen heart, threatening to spill over in tears and curses and unwanted memories.
But they came anyway. Daddy was tall, strong, vibrant. Tight fro, impeccably dressed unless he’d just returned from a gambling bender. And he was funny, so funny he’d made my cheeks stretch and my stomach tighten from laughing. And when I had Daddy’s attention, I felt like the center of his world.
When he left, I felt as hollow as an empty well.
“It’s okay if you’re upset. It’s okay to feel hurt.” My little brother’s tawny eyes were patient and kind, and it pissed me off.
“Oh, fuck me, of course he is!” I jumped from the chair.
“Huh?” He shifted in the chair to properly stare at me. His eyebrows were near his hairline.
I threw my hands in the air, anger spreading like steam in a shower. “He’s dying. And now he wants me to crawl after him and forgive his dying ass. Well, no, thank you.” I pointed to my chest. “And now there’s a ticking time bomb to speak to him, right? That’s why he’s been trying to get in touch with me.”
Vic, cool as a summer breeze, shrugged. “Life is shit sometimes. You just gotta roll with it.”
“And what does your barely twenty-year-old ass know about life? And PS, you don’t seem to be overly bothered by Daddy Dearest being near death’s door.”
He raised his index finger. “I’m twenty-two. Graduated from Georgia Tech on a full ride, an academic scholarship. Mom was a functional alcoholic, which was ultimately the reason she died from liver cirrhosis. Dad drank, not as much as Mom, but he could toss them back. I’m sure you remember. And, of course, he gambled away our money. I learned early on that if I wanted to eat, I had to earn it myself, so I ran drugs for a gang that had a soft spot for me.”
Well, damn. Maybe Daddy being out of my life was a blessing.
He clenched his jaw. “So, yeah, life can be shit.”
“Sorry. I thought for sure he’d play catch with you or something.”
“What?”
“Play ball. I always imagined he’d magically became a family man after he left me and Ma.”
“We played . . . once. I graduated high school and he realized that I was leaving and most likely not coming back home.”
“Where is home?”
“Now, Atlanta. Then, Birmingham, Alabama.”
Dang. We now lived in the same city and I never knew. Guilt hit me like a stack of bricks. Vic had been abandoned, had to depend on a gang to survive. If I had connected with Daddy, I could’ve taken care of my little brother at some point. At ten years apart, I could’ve been his guardian.
“I’m sorry. Apparently, you’ve had a hard life. I’m sorry Victor wasn’t a better father to you. For what it’s worth, he was really excited about you. He had such pride in his eyes when he told me I was getting a little brother.”
“You knew about me?” he whispered, his tone no longer soothing and calm, but tense and angry.
“I . . . I did. And you’ll never know how sorry I am. Especially now that I know that you were all alone.”
He shot me a look that made me check myself for exit wounds. “I’ve done my job. I told you about him. Up to you how you want to move forward.”