Denny,” I said, writing the final words to the song.
“Yeah, fuck you, Denny,” Angie parroted.
“What kind of angel are you?” I shook my head, closing my song book.
Angie sighed. “You know I’ve gotta be a little cray-cray to deal with you.”
* * *
We were two songs away from finishing out the set with a racy song that had Trent working the stage, slick with sweat. The Memphis crowd was live, vibrant with pure rock-and-roll and the band fed off it. But now we were coming to a close. Davey signaled the slowdown with his drums; Drew followed suit and slowed it up with a new song I’d composed before we went on the road. And then I noticed him.
Maybe it was the trick of the lighting, or maybe it was by design, but it seemed as if a spotlight illuminated James, making him stand out from the crowd.
I nearly stumbled in my two-step I’d been doing across the stage, nearly slipped the chord on my guitar. Catching myself, I walked stage left, swapped my acoustic for electric, and sat on a stool. The tune was slow, bluesy. Sad, yet sexy. About someone who wasn’t ready for love. Someone who wasn’t ready to love themselves. Denny and Angie had been busy again. I flicked the plectrum, making the guitar cry—no, making my soul cry.
Focused on my husband, as if we were the only two people in the room, I told him what I couldn’t put into words.
My world was darkness until I laid eyes on you.
Heart caught on fire, oh, the things I would do to you.
I’m spinning and twisting in the whirlwind that is you.
Pinch me, I’m dreaming, I’m falling into you.
I wasn’t ready for you.
I wasn’t ready to love you.
Wasn’t ready to love myself.
My heart belonged to another, my soul bound to the liquid fear.
Can’t hold the light you bring. Can’t break the darkness over me.
Still, foolishly we jumped and drowned together.
Till I pulled you down,
Pulled you down, down, down.
Catch our breaths, you’re breathing again.
Go back to shore, I can’t let you back in.
Leave me be, let me drown.
Don’t let me pull you down, down, down.
I couldn’t read James’s expression from so far away, but I’d said what I had to say. After I sang the last of the lyrics, I exhaled into the mic. Thunderous applause followed, as they chanted Nikki! Nikki!
Tears leaked from my eyes. I wanted to keep hold, stay in this moment, and somehow make the world of music and my home life meld into one. I thought we could have it all, but I was beginning to realize that it was bullshit. To get more, you had to give less elsewhere.
My soul was split in two, because in my heart, I knew James was making a stand. He wasn’t here to smile, clap, and support me from the crowd. I had a feeling he wanted me to choose.
Somehow, I got it together. Finished up the last song of the night and marched off the stage.
“Did you see your guy out there?” Davey smiled.
I cleared my throat, stiffening. “Was that you? Did you ask him to come?”
He nodded, taking in my stance. “Bad move?” His voice was slow, careful.
“No, I’m happy, I just . . . I just hope he’s here to reconcile, not to break up.”
Davey threw back his head. “Break up? Are you serious? That guy loves you. Didn’t take too much to convince him to get his sorry ass out here.” He chuckled low again. “And you’re well past the point of breaking up. You’re married, have a mortgage, two kids, and a minivan.”
“SUV,” I quickly corrected him.
“Same difference. Go get cleaned up. I’ll distract Trent so he doesn’t get his faced wrecked by your man. See you in ten.”
“I didn’t bring anything. I figured we’d do the handshakes, VIP gig, and then head back to the hotel.”
“Got you covered, sis.” He walked to his backpack and threw my bag with toiletries over, then tossed me a Tee and my stonewashed jeans.
“How in the hell—”
“Had a little help from Monica. Now go get changed.” He gently pushed me toward the hallway.
“Why, thank you. I’ve always wanted my very own fairy godmother. I thought I’d get an old white lady, but a bald white guy will do.” I leaned in and gave him a quick peck on the cheeks.
“Such a little asshole. Save those sweet words for your man.” He shook his head. “I’ll see you later.”