If I Could - B. Celeste Page 0,95

for me. “Your mom already told me.” He bends down and pecks my cheek, giving me a good luck wink before heading toward the stairs on the other side of the foyer.

Jamie and I remain.

More silence.

Then, I sigh. “You wanted to talk,” I tell her, hands resting tightly on my lap. “Everyone just gave us the opportunity.”

Her own hands are wringing together, her face darting around the room before she finally nods. I have no idea what to expect after the last time we talked face to face, so I have to prepare for the worst. With Jamie, I can never be—

“I’m sorry,” she blurts, eyes wide and body tense as she finally meets my gaze.

“You’re…” I blink. Then blink again. My older sister, after all this time, is sorry. Clearly, it’s not what I was expecting.

“I’m sorry,” she repeats, slowly inhaling, her throat bobbing as she tries forming more words than those. “God, I don’t expect you to forgive me. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t. What I said to you was so, so awful and there’s nothing I can do to make it better.”

My lips part, but only air passes through them as I stare at my sister. She looks…genuine, human emotion saturating her eyes which is more than I’ve seen in I don’t know how long. How sad is that? Whenever I saw my sister before the blowout, all I saw was a robot. Emotionless yet angry at the same time, like I’ve been the reason of her bitterness at the world.

I asked Mom why, but she’d never say.

I asked Dad, and he’d just sigh.

They hated that we stopped getting along. Holidays we both showed up to were awful. Birthdays were tense. We both stewed in our past for so long, I don’t remember what it’s like to be on civil ground with her.

“The real reason Jake isn’t here is because we’re separated at the moment. One too many fights.” She blows out a breath, her eyes keeping a focal point on the ground in front of her socked feet. “It’s been bad for a while, but I don’t think we’ll make it past this bump in the road. Not like…not like Mom and Dad have done when they’ve argued. Jake and I don’t have that kind of love.”

“Jamie, why are you telling me this?” I highly doubt she wants to discuss her marriage issues with me.

She waves a flustered hand, raking it through her otherwise pristine hair. She’s always kept up with appearances, I remember that much. Perfect hair, neat presentation, groomed. Jamie makes good money doing what she does and spends it on herself. Good for her. “You’re right, sorry. The point is, Jake and I have tried for years to have kids. Even before we got engaged. We just knew it was what we wanted.” Her tongue darts out and wets her lips, her hand tapping against her leg, something Ren always points out when I do it. “I was so…angry with you when you told me that Sophia was pregnant.”

My eyes widen at that. What?

“I know it’s wrong,” she continues quickly, looking as ashamed as she sounds. “My little brother was going to be a dad, so I should have been happy. But I knew you didn’t want that. I knew…you weren’t into her. I’ve always known. All I could think is ‘why him?’ It didn’t make any sense why you got something so easily when I couldn’t. What I told you after Brea…” Her words are cut off by a choked nose, a hand fisting at her chest. “I’ve hated myself for so long when I realized what I’d done. I let my anger get the better of me. I was jealous of you, and it was so screwed up because you lost your daughter. I know that, Reece. I’ve talked to people about it. Had a lot of arguments with Jake about it too.”

Dark pieces of her hair tumble over her face when she drops her head down, shaking it. “If I could go back, and take back what I said, I would in a heartbeat. I would pray harder for Brea to get better, and for me to get answers sooner. I thought, for a long time, that if I went to church, if I prayed, if I worshipped, maybe God would answer my prayers. All I’ve wanted to be is a mother, Reece. Knowing I couldn’t be?” A defeated shrug lifts her shoulders. “It was a kick