His California-blue eyes are shining and he’s brimming over with energy. I have a sudden vision of him taking a boardroom by storm. Blowing everyone away with his charisma and insider knowledge. Of course he’s made an impact, how could he not? And maybe he’s right—maybe Seb doesn’t like it.
“Well, it’s early days,” I say at last. “I’d tread carefully if I were you. Be tactful.”
“Oh, I am.” Ryan nods again. “And you know what, I’m not complaining. It’s all good. The main thing is, I’m in work, and that’s down to you.”
He looks so radiant, I can’t help beaming back.
“I’m so proud of you,” I say, gazing up at him. “They’re lucky to have you!”
“Fixie,” he says affectionately, and kisses my nose. “Every guy needs a Fixie, you know that?”
“I’ve missed you,” I murmur, running my hands down his back.
“Mmm, me too,” he says, but he doesn’t kiss me again. He’s looking at his phone over my shoulder, I realize.
I mean, fair enough. People can look at phones. It’s not against the law.
I move my hands still lower and caress him, trying to make my meaning plain. I’ve been longing for Ryan. All I want to do is go upstairs and reunite properly and forget everything else. But Ryan doesn’t respond.
“Hmm,” he says vaguely—then he focuses on me as though for the first time. “You know what? I’m ravenous. And I’ve got a stack of washing in the hall. Jake and Leila’s machine is bust.”
“Oh,” I say, halted. “Well, I’ll put that on here. And let’s eat. We’ve got some steak,” I add, opening the fridge and peering in. “Does that sound good?”
“Awesome,” says Ryan, wandering out. “Tell me when it’s ready. I’ll find something on telly.”
As I get the frying pan from its rack, I don’t know exactly how to feel. Deep down, I was hoping that Ryan would sweep me upstairs at once and ravish me. And even more deep down—like, fathoms down—I was hoping he might say something like, “Fixie, I love you.” Or: “Fixie, I’ve always loved you, it’s always been you, have you never realized that?”
No, stop it. Let’s not aim too high.
Anyway, this is better than rushing off for instant sex the minute I set foot inside the door. It’s far better.
Isn’t it?
Yes, I tell myself firmly. It’s definitely better. Because he wants to be with me for me. Not simply for sex but as a person.
The TV comes on in the other room, and the familiar sound fills me with a sudden wave of warmth. Of course this is better. Of course it is! Here we are, a proper domesticated couple, making supper and asking about each other’s day. It’s what I always wanted. Coziness. Intimacy. We may not live together, but it’s as good as.
As I start to peel a potato, I find myself humming happily. There was Mum, saying Ryan was flaky. And Hannah, saying it would never last. But they were both wrong. He’s here! With me! All the troubles of the day are starting to recede, even Uncle Ned. The point is, if you have someone to come home to, nothing’s that bad, and now I have Ryan to come home to. My teenage self still can’t quite believe it, but it’s true! Ryan Chalker is here and he’s mine.
Twelve
A month later, Mum is in Paris. I can’t quite believe it, but she is. She’s posted a million pictures of herself and Aunty Karen on her new Facebook page. (Mum? Facebook?) There are shots of Mum at the Eiffel Tower, Mum sitting at a pavement-café table, and Mum with Aunty Karen in white robes at a spa. (Mum? A spa?)
As I say, it’s unbelievable. Although, to be fair, there’s a lot about life at the moment that I can’t quite believe. I can’t believe that Ryan and I are still together as a couple, in a solid domestic routine that makes me want to hug myself with joy. He comes round at least twice a week and I cook for him and we watch telly and it’s lovely. It’s low-key. It’s mellow. All the things I never dared to dream that Ryan and I might be.
Nor can I believe that we’re hosting a party tonight at Farrs to “reposition” ourselves—Jake’s word, not mine—for which he’s hired a red carpet and a photographer and a DJ and a bouncer. (A bouncer?)
But above all, I can’t believe what Hannah is telling me about her and Tim. This can’t