know, after her mum and Tim). She and Tim have “started again”—her words—and they’re really blissful and she’s thrown away all her to-do lists.
Or at least put them away somewhere secret. She’s a bit cagey on that point.
“So where were you?” she asks now. “Jake said you rushed off somewhere.”
For a few moments I can’t reply. I will tell her everything, of course I will—but not in this bright bustle of Christmas cheer.
“Just…something,” I say. “I was with Seb.”
“Seb?” Her eyes light up questioningly and I shake my head.
“No. No. Not that. Tell you later. So what else do you need?” I force a bright Christmas-shopping manner. And she’s just showing me the list on her phone, when I feel a tap on my shoulder.
“Hey, Fixie, you dropped this.” It’s Jake in his gingerbread outfit, holding out my scarf.
“Oh, thanks,” I say as I wind it back around my neck. “I guess I was distracted by Ryan.”
“Ryan?” says Hannah, looking scandalized. “Was that him outside? I thought I saw him, but then I thought, No, that can’t be him, he wouldn’t dare….”
“He has no shame,” I say. “None.”
“He’s an arse,” Jake repeats firmly. “You know, Fixie, I meant to tell you, and you really won’t believe this, he actually went and asked your guy for money.”
“What?” I say, frowning, not quite following.
“You know, what’s-his-name. Seb. Ryan went to his office and tried to get him to invest in some scheme or other. The guy who fired him. Can you believe it?”
“The nerve of him!” exclaims Hannah. “You know, I think he has a chip missing. It’s the only explanation.”
Something weird is buzzing in my head. This doesn’t make sense. Ryan went to see Seb? Why didn’t Seb ever mention it?
“I’m sorry,” I say, sounding brusque in my need to get this clear. “I’m sorry, explain again, what did Ryan do? When was this?”
“About three weeks ago?” says Jake, creasing his brow in thought. Then his eyes widen. “I know exactly. It was the day after he spent the night at ours. He went there first thing in the morning. He wanted me to come too, but I said not a chance. I knew Seb would throw him out.”
Ryan went to see Seb. But Seb never mentioned it to me. Why?
Because he thought I knew already?
But why—
Hang on. Oh God. No. No. Seb’s prickliness…Seb’s hurt, scorched eyes…
My head is churning. The pieces are slotting together, and they’re terrible, disastrous pieces. Ryan went to see Seb just before I did. He asked him for money. So did Seb think…? My stomach heaves in horror. Did Seb think that when I came and asked him for money it was for Ryan?
No. He couldn’t have, surely?
I flash back to Seb’s tight, strained face. His expression today when he asked how the “unconditional love” was going. And now I feel almost faint. It’s obvious. Seb thinks I went back to Ryan. He thinks I love Ryan. I can hear my own blithe voice in his office: “If you really love someone, you don’t just shove cash at them. You help them become the person they’re meant to be.” Seb had no idea I meant Jake. I’d never told him Jake was in debt. So he thought—
But how could he ever believe I’d go back to Ryan? How?
“Fixie, are you OK?” Hannah is peering at me.
“I…Maybe I need a cup of tea,” I falter.
“You look shocking,” says Jake bluntly. “I’d have a whiskey.”
“OK, come on.” Hannah grasps my arm and leads me to the back room. Nicole is in there, unpacking a box of Christmas decorations, and she looks up in surprise to see us. Hannah shuts the door and flips on the kettle, then says, “Fixie, I know you’re in a state, and you don’t have to tell us everything, but—”
“The coffee sleeve,” I interrupt her in a despairing gasp, because it’s come to me, in a final, horrible burst of comprehension. That’s how.
I remember registering the coffee sleeve in Seb’s office that awful day and not quite understanding why it was there. I’d thought it was in my tote bag. It seemed a bit weird.
I brushed it away at the time; it felt like an unimportant detail. But it’s the key to everything. Ryan must have taken it. Used it. Brandished it at Seb. God alone knows what lies he told—but whatever he said, it convinced Seb that we were together again.
Blood is pulsing through my ears as I imagine Ryan,