But I Need You - W. Winters Page 0,46

the light gray fabric and pull him closer. I want to confide in my friend and be held by my lover.

I don’t deserve an ounce of that want. I’ve ruined it; I’ve sacrificed us … even if he doesn’t know.

“I’m sorry about your father,” he finally speaks. Glancing behind him, for only a moment, I see my father standing there at the entrance to the barn, locking it and telling me this is no place for kids. To go away unless I want to work.

His voice is so clear in my memory. My eyes prick and that could be the wind, it could be the unforgiving breeze. But my throat getting tight isn’t from the weather.

“Thank you,” I say in a nearly inaudible whisper. “You followed me here to give me your condolences?”

“Don’t do that,” he says, scolding my sarcasm, but it’s not in a superior way. There’s only pain that lays in his words.

“I just … I’m not well right now,” I say, giving him the honest answer. I don’t want Marcus watching us. Not when Cody doesn’t know it. Not when I just kissed him. “I’m not doing well.”

“We need to talk about this.”

“We don’t, though,” I say and shake my head in denial.

“They brought me on the case.” His tone is firm when he answers.

And for a moment I pause.

“The case? My father’s murder?” That’s what he wants to talk about … not us? I deserve the pain that grips me and tears me into two. “I don’t want to talk about this right now …”

“We can’t wait on this, Delilah.” Cody doesn’t let up and I know just looking at him that he’s not going to let me walk away and hide. He’s not going to back off, not a single step. It’s an indescribable pain, knowing that there is no way to go back and how badly I’ve hurt him and ruined us.

I don’t want him to know. If I could keep it from him and let him down easy, it would be best, wouldn’t it?

“There are questions …” he continues and I have to close my eyes, taking in a steadying breath. With everything between us, the tension, the disappointment … the last thing I want to think about is my father’s death. A snide voice hisses, it’s murder in the back of my mind. Your father’s murder, not death.

“Can we talk about it another time?” I ask although I don’t wait for a response and turn away from him, wanting to get to my car. With the sun hidden behind the clouds, the autumn turned brutal without any warning.

Cody’s quick to grab my wrist. It’s not so much that it hurts or that it jostles me. The firm grasp only keeps me from moving away, but it’s the desperation in his touch that has my eyes pinned to his and my breath stolen.

My heart races.

“I fucked up, Delilah,” he says just beneath his breath. His ever-confident tone is shaken and his gaze falls before mine. Glancing behind me, an act that sends a chill down my spine, knowing that Marcus could be and probably is watching.

My shoulders shudder with the cold breeze as I wrench my hand away, although my flats are firmly planted where they stand.

“I know he spoke to you,” Cody whispers even though, to his knowledge, there’s no one here to eavesdrop. The breeze blows through the tree leaves and another chill runs through me.

Ever the gentleman, Cody removes his jacket, but he doesn’t lay it across my shoulders. Instead he offers it as if he’s not sure that I’ll take it.

In a formfitting Henley, snug on his shoulders, he looks back at me with a softness in his blue eyes. “Please, even if you’re angry.” My pulse weakens watching him struggle in front of me. His eyes are rimmed with red and the chill has bitten his cheeks, turning them a pink hue to match the tip of his nose.

Reaching out to grab it, I take a half step closer to him and slip his jacket around my shoulders, even if it is far too oversized for me. The warmth is immediate, blanketing me as if it’s safe now. As If nothing can hurt me beneath the shield of this man.

With his hands in his jean pockets, Cody says, “I know he spoke to you and I’ve lied. I’ve kept things from you.”

The world blurs behind him.

“There are so many reasons I can’t—I couldn’t.” He’s quick to correct himself