But I Need You - W. Winters Page 0,27
were doing. I chased after you and when I finally got to you, you were trying to hurt yourself, sobbing uncontrollably.”
“Trying to hurt myself?”
“It lays a claim that you weren’t in your right mind.”
“Though in your version,” she starts and my mother’s words are spoken both slowly and lowly, “I was after the real killer?” I glance up at her as tears streak down her face.
“You were, you were running after him after you found Daddy dead, but he got away and you couldn’t take it.”
“As if they’d believe I could run faster than you.” My mom offers her doubt. “I could just tell them the truth.”
Ignoring her comments, I continue. “You were too scared to go back inside. I thought you were having an episode. I was going to take you to the hospital, not having seen anything inside, until you begged me not to. You just wanted to leave, to get away so I did that. I made that happen, not understanding what had happened.”
“That’s what you’ve got, baby girl?” My mother’s question is nothing but melancholy.
“You fell asleep, then in the morning you told me everything.”
“I don’t want you to lie for me,” my mother says and it’s then I see she still hasn’t touched the shampoo.
When I don’t respond and instead grab the shampoo and force it into her hands, she speaks. “I thought he cheated on me,” my mother says, her voice tight with the confession. “I swear, back then I thought he was cheating and I didn’t know.”
“Didn’t know what, Mom?” I’m too scared to ask and when I do, she looks down at me, the steam flowing around her.
With a wobbly smile that doesn’t reach her eyes, she shakes her head and says, “Nothing, baby.”
“Mom, what happened?” I ask and tears stream from my eyes just as they do from hers.
“He did it for the last time. I had to.”
“He hit you?” I say my guess in a whisper and my mother’s weak smile broadens with sympathy. “Yeah, baby, he hit me.”
“I’m sorry.” I barely get out the words, bracing myself against the cheap cabinet of the sink.
“When you and your sister were little,” my mother interjects, “you two were as thick as thieves and I remember praying you’d stay close like I wish me and my sisters were.”
I can’t even think of Cadence right now and what she’s about to walk in on. My heart breaks today for so many reasons; I don’t know how it still beats.
“You remember that time you ate all the candy from the canister? I found it empty and called you two in.”
“You knew it was me the whole time?” I ask her, knowing just how this story plays out.
My mother nods her head. “Cadence was so quick to take the fall for you. And that time she stained the back seat of your auntie’s Buick, you took the blame for that one.”
The past events play out before me. We were just two sisters getting into normal trouble.
“You two were always looking out for each other.”
“Mom, what’s this have to do with Dad?” I ask and she only shakes her head, finally opening the bottle of shampoo. “Nothing, baby girl. I just want you to know I love you. I love you both so much and you can’t stop loving each other. Even if you stop loving me.”
Using a wad of toilet paper, I stop the tears from flowing but stay in the bathroom, the shower curtain closed so I can’t see behind it.
It’s quiet a long time, other than bottles opening and silent tears being swept away.
“You’re throwing your career away doing this,” my mother warns and a piece of me is all too aware of that possibility.
“You better get good at lying then. And holding on to that story, Mom. Because I don’t want to lose my job, but I’ll be damned if I lose you.”
With a harsh swallow I repeat what I just came up with as if it just happened. “I came home and no one was there but someone caught my eye as they ran out to the backyard. And then I saw you running into the woods. I was going to take you to the hospital because you wouldn’t stop crying and tried to hurt yourself.” I add in that last detail. “And I almost took you in, but you begged me not to.”
Rising to my feet, my body aches and my bones crack. Carefully, I pull back the shower curtain