found her tongue, all she managed was ‘Excuse me?’
‘Your shit is your own problem, not mine. But if the situation was reversed? If I’d approached you in that bar last night, had a few drinks and a laugh, invited you back to mine and screwed your brains out then woken you up in the morning and kicked you out on your arse before my wife came home? I’d be an arsehole.’ He swung his coat over his shoulder and stuck his arm in.
Oh God, he was right. She rubbed a hand over her face, letting everything he’d said sink in. How many of the others felt that way? Used and discarded when they woke to find her gone in the night? She’d assumed they were all there for the same thing as she was, but all along she’d been the one in control; she’d been the user.
‘I’d like you to go now.’
She left the room before he could see the tears spring to her eyes, and shut herself in the bathroom. She heard the bedroom door open, then the front door open and slam behind him and footsteps crunch up the path, followed by the creak of the gate. He was gone. She knew she had to set about erasing every trace of him and sort herself out before Michael came home, but all she could seem to do was sit on the cold bathroom floor and cry.
55
Karen
Jessica and Karen sat facing one another across the low coffee table in the centre of Karen’s office. Karen had not left the room this morning, not to get coffee or go to the toilet – when Jessica turned up, she had been ready and waiting. Molly had shown her in in the usual way and Jessica had seemed somewhat subdued. Instead of asking her how she was feeling, if anything of significance had happened since their last session or if there was anything she wanted to talk about, Karen had decided that enough was enough.
‘What do you want from me?’ she asked as soon as her patient was comfortable. Jessica looked at her with those blank, unreadable eyes without so much as a flinch.
‘I want you to help me with my headaches. That’s why I came here.’
Karen shook her head. ‘No, I think we both know that’s not true. So I’m going to lay my cards on the table, although I realise I’m risking giving you exactly what you want by doing so. I’m going to ask you again. What do you want from me?’
Jessica sat back, appraising her in silence. Eventually she replied.
‘I’m not sure I really know. I can’t say it was planned, me coming to you like this, but here we are.’
Karen was momentarily wrong-footed, although she didn’t let it show. She had been expecting more of a denial; perhaps Jessica was as weary of this game as she was. She felt exhausted and her day wasn’t about to get any easier. Bea had texted her before work imploring her to meet both her friends for lunch. They needed to talk, she’d said. Karen had no idea what had happened now, but lately every day brought a new drama, and she had a bad feeling about this latest one.
‘Are you having an affair with my best friend’s husband?’
Jessica let out a sharp laugh. ‘Is that the Adam you mentioned before? No, I haven’t been near your friends.’
Karen didn’t believe her for a second. Maybe Jessica thought that if she admitted it, Karen would have all the evidence she needed to go to the police about the things she had done. No matter; she had all but admitted that she had lied about the tension headaches. This had to be the end of things.
‘You know I can tell Eleanor about you? All I have to say is that you pose a threat to her family. I have every right to warn her about you.’
Jessica smiled but said nothing.
‘Although I suppose that’s what you want, isn’t it? For me to tell Eleanor all about what’s happened in these sessions. You probably thought I’d do it before now; I realise that’s why you came to me. You thought I’d tell Eleanor and break up her marriage for you. That way you get Adam to yourself and you don’t risk him being furious at you. You can’t be blamed; you thought our sessions were confidential.’
‘Looks like you’ve got this all figured out. So what now, Doc? Are you going to call the police