I Know Your Secret - Ruth Heald Page 0,94

the cold stone.

‘I’m sorry,’ Danielle whispers. ‘For everything.’

I nod. ‘Do you want to be left alone?’

‘It’s OK. Was it you who always left flowers just before the anniversary every year?’

‘Yes,’ I say quietly.

‘You loved him, didn’t you?’

I nod. There’s no doubt I loved him. But for the last six months, my memories of our relationship have been plaguing me. I no longer see them through rose-tinted glasses. I’ve started to question them, to wonder if everything was as perfect as I remembered.

Nick had told me so many things, had made me feel so special. But I had been young back then, just out of teacher training college. And the things he’d said; that his wife was controlling, that she didn’t sleep with him, that she had a problem with anger… well, they’re things I’ve heard over and over again when I’ve been giving relationship counselling. Things men say to their mistresses so often it’s almost like a script. What if none of it was true? What if Nick and I were just another affair that was destined to end?

‘Have you seen your mother?’ I ask Danielle.

She shakes her head. ‘I never want to see her again. She killed him. Deliberately. I don’t know how she could do that. And I don’t know how she could let me think I’d done it.’

‘I was thinking about visiting her,’ I say.

‘Oh,’ she says, looking at me curiously. ‘Why?’

‘I don’t know. I suppose I just want closure.’ But that’s not true. What I really want is answers about her relationship with Nick. I want to know if she really was awful or if he had made her that way; if their relationship was so terrible that it was inevitable they’d split up. I want to hear that he loved me and not her.

She looks at me. ‘I don’t think you’ll get what you’re looking for.’

‘I just need to know he loved me.’

‘He called your name out when he was dying.’

I nod. That seems like such a big thing. I just need to hold onto that. ‘Do you think he really wanted to be with me?’

Danielle frowns. ‘Is it that important to you?’

‘I loved him. I still love him, I think.’

‘But you’ll never know how he really felt, will you? None of us will know. He’s not here to ask.’

‘Oh,’ I say. She’s right, of course. I’ll never get the answers I want, never know what would have happened between Nick and I. That possible future died with Nick. And I can’t spend my life living in the past. He is gone and I am living. I have a son and I can make a happy life for myself. My happiness never should have been dependent on Nick’s love.

I turn to Danielle. Her bump’s really grown. The baby will be here soon. Her chance for a fresh start.

I wonder if she needs to hear the kind of reassurance I need myself. I can see in her eyes that she is not quite recovered, that a part of her will always blame herself for her father’s death.

‘Nick always used to talk about you. He loved you so much. He’ll be watching over your baby.’

A tear rolls down her cheek. I hold out my arms and we embrace. We remain like that for a minute before we pull apart.

‘We have our lives to live now,’ I say. ‘We have to move on.’ And for the first time, I feel ready to do that.

If I Know Your Secret has had you glued to the pages, racing towards the thrilling, shocking ending, then don’t stop here! Check out Ruth’s unmissable first book, The Mother’s Mistake, which is a chilling exploration of a mother’s worst nightmare… Everyone makes mistakes. But does everyone deserve to be forgiven?

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Get it now!

The Mother’s Mistake

‘What a fantastic book, I loved every word on every page… A brilliantly addictive psychological thriller, full of twists and turns and it kept me on the edge of my seat throughout.’ Reviewer, ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

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Everyone makes mistakes. But does everyone deserve to be forgiven?

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She runs past the tinkling of children’s laughter that fills the park. Heart hammering, feet stinging, she reaches the riverbank, her breath catching in her throat. And then she sees…

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Three years later.

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Claire has everything she’s always wanted. A new-born baby. A doting husband by her side. A picturesque home in the countryside.

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But behind closed doors, Claire’s life is falling apart. Her husband is barely ever home, she’s