I Know Your Secret - Ruth Heald Page 0,61

myself laying into Danielle.

If either of them looked up at me they’d see that something wasn’t right. But they’re not looking at me. They’re too busy staring into each other’s eyes.

‘We’re both excited now, about the baby,’ Danielle says. ‘Although we haven’t had much time to talk about it.’

‘It’s been difficult to find a moment. Her mother’s come to stay with us.’

‘Your mother?’ I try to hide my surprise. Danielle had said both her parents were dead. A car accident.

‘Yeah.’ Danielle meets my eyes for a second, as she realises her lie has been exposed. ‘I used to tell people she was dead. But we were estranged.’

‘You told me she was dead too,’ I say gently. ‘You could have trusted me. I would have understood.’ It’s a big thing to lie about. I’m convinced she’s lying to Peter about the baby too. I feel a shiver of unease run through me. I’m usually so good at reading body language, identifying when people are lying. But I hadn’t picked up that she wasn’t telling the truth about her mother. What else has she been lying about? Suddenly it seems too much of a coincidence that she’s chosen me as a counsellor.

‘I wasn’t ready to tell you. Not then,’ Danielle says quietly. ‘But I am now. My mother and I are trying to rebuild our relationship.’

‘How’s that going?’ I say. ‘It can’t be easy.’

‘OK, so far. I mean… it’s difficult, with her living with me after so many years. And being pregnant makes me reflect on my own childhood, how much I missed out on, growing up in care.’

‘OK.’

‘I don’t want the baby to go through what I went through. I want it to have a happy family.’

‘Danielle had a difficult childhood. Her mother… had a temper,’ Peter says.

‘A temper?’

‘Yeah,’ Danielle says. ‘But she’s changed now. And she was never that bad.’

‘But I think that’s the cause of so many of your problems,’ Peter says. ‘You’ve got so much repressed emotion that it escapes in fits of anger.’

I look at him, surprised at his insight.

Danielle looks at the floor. ‘I don’t want to be so angry,’ she says. ‘But sometimes my emotions get the better of me.’

‘You know mental health issues run in families?’ I say gently. ‘If your mother struggled, then it’s likely you will too. Even if you haven’t suffered before, having a baby changes everything. You’ve already mentioned that it’s making you think of your own childhood. Sometimes people find they’re dredging up all their baggage from the past and realise they just can’t deal with it. You won’t be sleeping, and you’ll be hormonal. All your emotions will be elevated. In these situations of extreme stress, sometimes people with difficult backgrounds like yours just can’t cope.’ I watch her face, to see if I’ve managed to get under her skin, to worry her.

‘Really?’ Danielle looks at me with fear in her eyes.

‘Don’t worry,’ I say, trying not to smile. I can see in her eyes that she still trusts me, that she’s looking to me to help her. ‘You can talk through any concerns here. You’re safe here.’

Thirty-Eight

Danielle

I’m finishing dinner with my mother, trying to keep down the rich lamb stew she’s cooked, when Peter comes into the house, the door slamming behind him. My stomach clenches with nerves. Today we’re going to tell Mum about the baby. I think back to what she said about me not being ready to have children yet. I hope she doesn’t react badly.

‘Hi,’ Peter calls out.

‘In here. Have you eaten? Mum’s made lamb stew.’

‘I’ve already eaten, I’m afraid. But it smells lovely.’

‘It tasted good too,’ I say, although I’ve only managed a few bites.

‘Is everything alright?’ my mother asks, looking at how much is left on my plate.

Peter sits down opposite us, raising his eyebrows at me. I nod.

‘Actually, we’ve got something to tell you,’ I say. My leg shakes under the table.

My mother’s eyes flick back and forth between us. ‘Is everything OK?’

‘Yes, yes, it’s fine. It’s good news. I’m… I’m pregnant.’

I watch her face go through the emotions, from shock to worry to elation.

‘Wow,’ she says finally. ‘Congratulations.’ She gets up from her chair and we embrace. Relief floods through me. I’m so glad she’s happy for me.

‘My daughter. Having a baby. I’m going to be a grandmother.’ I smile at that, but I feel tears forming at the backs of my eyes. I wish my father was here too, that he’d had the opportunity to become a grandfather.

‘Yes,’