I Have Lived and I Have Loved - Willow Winters Page 0,98

doorbell rang, and pounding footsteps told me Robbie was running for the front door.

We looked to the door of my room, as if the guys would appear instantly, and a second later, we heard their voices. We grinned, glancing at each other.

Our men had arrived.

“Mac!” Robbie yelled from downstairs. “Ryan and Doofus are here!”

We heard Kirk grumbling, “It’s Kirk, Little Dickwad.”

That was another change over the year. Kirk and Robbie had developed this odd friendship. Kirk teased my little brother, and Robbie called him names. Ryan explained one night that Robbie reminded Kirk of Derek, and that silenced any concern I might’ve had about the situation.

“Ryan and Major Doofus are here!” Robbie added.

“Coming down!” I called back. “You ready?” I asked Cora.

She took a breath, staring at the mirror.

Her hair had been curled and was loose over her shoulders. Her makeup was on point. Everything was done up, complete with the mani and pedi we’d gotten yesterday. I’d had to touch-up my nails after this afternoon, but they were fine.

“Yeah. Ready.”

“You look beautiful,” I assured her.

“Thank you.” She turned, taking me in, and a soft, awestruck expression came over her. I knew she’d been paying attention mostly to herself, which was understandable. She had the nerves, whereas I didn’t.

That wasn’t true.

I was nervous, just not for the same reasons as Cora.

I wasn’t secretly hoping to win prom queen. And I knew she was nervous for Kirk’s after-party, but she hadn’t confided that in me.

“You look—”

I had to ask, and I reached for her hand. “Are you thinking of having sex with Kirk tonight?”

I noticed a shadow in the hallway at the same time I blurted that out, and I grimaced. But Cora was looking only at me, so she didn’t see Ryan pause and then silently retreat.

“I . . .” She was back to picking at the counter. “I don’t know. We talked about it.”

I couldn’t stop my frown. “At his party, though?”

“I know.” She shrugged, looking to the side and biting her lip. “He’ll be drinking. He’s already drinking, but I don’t know. I want to. I mean, he does too, but I think I’m just ready to stop worrying about it. If it feels right, I want to.”

“Do you love him?”

All the self-consciousness in her vanished at my question. Her head came up. Her shoulders straightened.

“Yes. I love him.”

It was the most confident response I’d ever gotten from her.

“Some people wait for marriage,” I blurted that out—I have no idea why. “You could wait, if you’re one of those people.”

“Are you?” Her mouth turned down.

“No. Ryan and I—we already . . .”

“That’s what I thought.” She lifted her shoulder. “I know why you’re saying this, because I do think like that, but I love him. And I don’t know. I don’t want to get married till I’m in my thirties, and I don’t want to wait that long.”

“Just—”

Shit. What was my problem? I understood what she was saying. But I felt like I had to say this to her—like I had to say to her what Willow would’ve said to me. Cora hadn’t said a word about sex, but Ryan had said Kirk had stocked up on condoms. It wasn’t a big leap for me to go from there.

“Do you regret it? Having sex with Ryan?”

I looked up, but I didn’t see his shadow in the hallway. He might’ve been standing to the side, or he could’ve gone all the way downstairs, but I didn’t lie when I said, “No. I regret not having my sister here, but that’s it.”

She jerked back. “I forgot about your sister.”

My throat burned. “You didn’t know her.”

“But still.” Her gaze lingered on my dress and then moved up to take me in. A wistful look softened her face. “You look really gorgeous, Mackenzie. I can’t imagine your sister being more beautiful than you.”

I—was shocked, and I couldn’t talk for a second.

“And if I do win prom queen, I won’t dance with Ryan. I’ll dance with Kirk, so you don’t have to worry about that.” She darted toward me, hugging me and kissing my cheek. “I’ll be downstairs.” And then she was gone.

I felt Ryan’s presence and without looking, I knew he was in the doorway. “You heard all that?”

“Yeah. Now you don’t have to worry about the king and queen dance.”

I grinned.

He took me in. He looked at my hair, my dress, and lingered on my lips. “She didn’t lie. You look really beautiful, Mac.”

That nickname.

I’d been in his arms just two