I Have Lived and I Have Loved - Willow Winters Page 0,79

the inviting tone she wanted, but she pushed out her chest anyway. “A bunch of us are going for pizza. You want to come?”

I waited to be included in the invite, but it didn’t happen.

A full growl erupted, and I surged to my feet. “You did not do that, did you?”

I wasn’t waiting. I started down where she was, and Erin squeaked, backing up.

I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I wasn’t going to let the insult stand.

“Hey.” One of her friends backed up in front of her like she was going to block me. She waved her hands in the air. “Come on, Mackenzie.”

I ignored her. I ignored everyone watching us, and I really ignored how I knew I was overreacting. But this was a personal affront.

How could I not react?

I went right up to Erin, and I kept going until she was backed against the gym wall. I slammed my hands against the wall beside her, trapping her.

My eyes were dead. I couldn’t see myself, but I knew they were. I was channeling all the anger, grief, and sadness inside me, everything I’d started to suppress. I let it all up to the surface and turned every ounce of it on her.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

She gulped, not daring to look away. “I was going to ask you the same thing.”

“You ask your ex out for pizza while he’s sitting right next to his girlfriend? When I’m right in front of you. What’d you think I was going to do?”

I felt Willow snort beside me. It’s because you’ve been nice. She’s forgetting the crazy in you.

Fine. I’d let her see how crazy I was, and I pulled back the last remaining wall. I let her see the girl who cyberstalked her dad’s mistress (well, who I thought was his mistress) and showed up at her house. I let her see the girl who’d been talking, seeing, feeling, smelling her dead sister, and I let her see the girl who had yet to talk about what it was like to find her sister in her own pile of blood. That girl had never been let out, yet.

I let her see the darkness in me.

Erin had almost shrunk in half, starting to ball up, but I wasn’t letting her go.

This was an insane scene. I was causing it, and I knew people were recording it on their phones. They’d talk about what a lunatic I was, probably talk about how Ryan deserved better, but I didn’t give a shit. I meant what I’d said to Cora—you couldn’t care. Once you did, they had you.

Are you really fighting them? It wasn’t only Willow’s voice in my head. It was Robbie’s. It was my dad’s. It was my mom’s. It was mine.

Maybe not. Maybe I was fighting myself.

Maybe I was fighting something else entirely.

“I don’t know, okay?” Erin yelled, throwing her hands wide and shoving me back.

I gave a step, but I didn’t flinch. I didn’t even feel it. I knew it happened because I heard the crowd gasp behind me.

“I don’t know. All right?” She was heaving, her hands in the air, and she stormed at me.

I didn’t move.

Not one goddamn inch.

She could’ve hit me, but she backed up at the last second.

I smiled. “You’re a fucking liar. You know exactly why you did that, and you’re lying about it right now.”

“What? Are you going to hit me?”

I contemplated her question, my head moving to the side. “No, but if you hit me again, yes.”

She paled at my words. I didn’t think she knew she’d hit me.

“What do you want, Mackenzie?” She shoved some of her hair from her face.

“I want you not to hit on my boyfriend in front of me, or at all. I want you to stop thinking I’ll take it. It isn’t even him. You come after anyone I care about, I’m going to say something.” I narrowed my eyes, moving a step closer to her. “I’m going to fight you, whether it’s physical or verbal or mental. I’ve been through hell, so I have no problem reaching up and pulling you down with me. If you’re looking for a girl to bully or intimidate, it isn’t me.”

She should’ve known this, but apparently she really had forgotten. It’d been months since our last real exchange. Or maybe she forgot in the rush of basketball? Cora had warned me, and maybe I was setting the precedent. Go after Ryan and expect a fight. No.