I Have Lived and I Have Loved - Willow Winters Page 0,75

went right back to telling me all the good things I’d done since Willow died.

She was wrong.

Everyone was wrong. I knew my parents looked at me a little differently since the whole Mallory-stalking/yelling-at-my-dad event. It was like they were seeing someone new.

I didn’t understand it, and I didn’t like it.

And there was one other topic I didn’t want to talk about, and so far, Naomi hadn’t brought it up.

She did when I was leaving this time.

“Mackenzie.”

I was at the door and I paused, looking back. “What?”

“We have to talk about your sister’s suicide note before I’ll sign off on these sessions.”

Yeah. That.

Chapter Thirty-Three

“How was your session yesterday?”

I jumped, and my hand hit my locker as I whirled around, but I shouldn’t have been surprised.

Ryan and I had talked a little last night on the phone, and I knew he would seek me out today. This was the new normal. Things were returning to a more regular schedule at home, which meant my mom stayed home twice a week. She reserved the right to drive me to school those mornings, and this was one of them.

Cursing, I waved my hand around.

“Shit.” Ryan touched my arm and leaned forward to inspect my fingers. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

I tried for a smile, but it felt like a twisted clown grimace. My fingers really hurt. “Oh. No problem. It was my bad. I was zoning out.”

He ran his thumb over my knuckles. “You jammed two of your fingers. I can reset them, if you want. This happens all the time with basketball.”

Oh God.

My knees wanted to crumble because it hurt so bad. I jerked my head in a nod, bracing my other hand against his shoulder. “Okay. Do it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yea—”

He pulled, and I screamed.

“AH!” I did crumple this time. Grabbing his arm, I caught myself.

People were watching us, and I was being a bit overdramatic, but I was happy. I could be dramatic about this. This pain would go away.

“You okay?” He ran his finger over mine and murmured, “All better now?”

I tensed, waiting for the pain, but none came. I moved my fingers around, bending and wiggling them. “No. It’s fixed. Thank you.”

A cocky smirk came over him. “I found my calling. I’m going to be a doctor. I like fixing girls and having them swoon over me.”

I hit his shoulder with my other hand. “So hilarious.”

He chuckled, his eyes darkening.

I straightened, responding to him. That throbbing need began to build, and I leaned toward him.

“Yo.”

Kirk, Nick, and Tom sauntered over to us.

Kirk held his fist up, and Ryan met it with his, turning to rest against the locker behind me. His hand moved to my waist as he nodded to the others. “What’s up?”

“We’re having a party after your first game, right?” Kirk was the spokesman. He glanced to Tom and Nick, who both nodded.

Ryan’s hand flexed on my hip, but his tone remained casual. “Yeah, sure. Your place?”

“I can throw it. That’s no problem.” Kirk looked at me. “You coming, Mackenzie?”

I looked at Ryan before speaking. “I think so.”

“I gotta ask because you’ve gone all goody-student lately. No skipping. No drinking. You haven’t partaken in our parties, and we haven’t had to interrupt you and Romeo here during any PDA. What happened?”

I’d started healing. “Things got better at home.”

Things weren’t a hundred percent. That wouldn’t happen. But they were definitely over the fifty percent mark. One day, I figured I’d have to claw my way higher. It would suck. There were layers in me even I didn’t want to share, but I’d have to deal if I wanted to get up there.

I was okay where I was for the moment.

I settled back, moving to lean fully against Ryan as he talked over my shoulder with his friends. His hand on my waist moved behind me, and I felt it slide under my shirt, rubbing up and down.

It felt good, calming.

We stayed like that until the warning bell rang and everyone dispersed. It was nice to have just the guys at my locker. That wasn’t a normal thing anymore—there were almost always girls around too. If it was Kirk standing with us, sometimes Cora would come over. Kirk would throw an arm around her shoulder and talk to Ryan while flirting with her. Sometimes, Erin approached, and if she came, her friends followed behind. Things were still tense between us, but she’d been giving me a stiff smile or hello lately, and sometimes I gave it back. She didn’t deserve my