I Have Lived and I Have Loved - Willow Winters Page 0,49

I’d become attuned to his voice, his body, him. The rest of school, all of it melted into the background, and I turned, knowing he’d be standing there, watching me with the quiet concern maybe he shouldn’t have had. The tension eased from my body.

This was wrong.

I shouldn’t be depending on him this much, but I moved toward him. My body was already betraying me.

“Your sister knows.” I meant to say more, explain, but the need to get Willow from my mind made me forget.

I stepped toward him, and he mirrored me. It was as if we moved as one unit. My back went against the lockers, and he stood in front of me, his hand resting against the locker beside me. I couldn’t stop myself. I leaned into his hand and reached for the loop on his jeans. He reacted to my touch, sucking in his breath, and I saw him go rigid, but I didn’t pull him against me. I held on to that loop. It was an attachment to him.

“What?” His eyebrows went up.

“About me sneaking over,” I clarified. “That I screamed last night, not her.”

“Oh.” His shoulders slumped. “Not about the other thing, right?”

“No. Not that.”

“Fuck, Mac.” He gave me a crooked grin. “You gave me a slight heart attack.”

I smiled. “Yeah. Not that.”

“We didn’t talk after . . .well, after us and after your bathroom thing,” he said.

Right.

I glanced down, feeling all sorts of awkward again.

He’d held me until we had both fallen asleep. His first alarm woke me, and I told him I could hurry to my house alone. I’d started bringing clothes to his place and vice versa, but it was never the same as getting ready at your own house. I needed some space this morning, and when he’d picked me up an hour later, I’d been the Avoidance Girl.

Avoid the sex talk. Avoid the bathroom meltdown. Avoid. Avoid. Avoid.

I felt the walls closing in on me, and I knew I couldn’t keep avoiding forever, but I was going to do my best. Call me the Superstar of Avoidance. I’d wear that pin proudly, if I got around to it.

I shook my head, a small signal that I still didn’t want to talk about it, and my finger moved against his stomach.

His eyes warmed, and an invisible rope tightened between us, pulling us toward each other. He leaned closer, and I felt myself moving away from the locker door.

The next bell was going to ring. We’d have to go into our class, but I didn’t want to pull back. I didn’t want to be with other people. I wanted to stay here, stay with him, or go somewhere else and just be alone with Ryan.

I wanted to skip.

I hadn’t skipped since that first day, and a part of me didn’t want to do it again. If I did, I didn’t know whether I could stop myself later. Already I could barely manage the temptation to disappear with only him. I could shut everyone else out, shut out the world, and yes, shut out Willow. She was the main one I wanted to shut out.

Love you too, asshole.

That was all I needed.

“Let’s get out of here.”

“Yeah?”

I nodded, scanning up and down the hallway. The others were starting to head to class. If we were going to go—I saw Kirk and Nick headed our way. Their eyes were right on us like we were targets and they’d locked in.

“Never mind.”

Ryan looked around and cursed under his breath before he moved, half blocking me from their gazes. “Hey, guys.”

Nick’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, but he hung back as Kirk stopped in front of us.

“Let’s skip,” he said.

Ryan and I both straightened in surprise.

“What?” Ryan asked.

It was only then that I noticed how Kirk’s eyes were blazing. A scowl was firmly in place, and everything about him radiated anger. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his black bomber jacket, pulling it tight around his form.

“I gotta bounce from here. Let’s skip.” He looked around at all of us. “You game?”

Nick wasn’t saying anything, but Ryan looked at me.

“I’m in,” I said.

Ryan studied me a moment.

“Are you going?” I asked Nick.

Kirk shifted, throwing his arm around Nick’s shoulders. “Hell yes, he is.” He thumped him on the arm twice. “He’s coming.”

“Yeah. Sure.”

His tone didn’t suggest he was eager.

Then Ryan pulled me away from my locker, opened it, and put away his books. Grabbing my hand, he shut the door and nodded. “Lead the way, Kirkus. You