I Have Lived and I Have Loved - Willow Winters Page 0,27

out before anyone knows. As long as I’m back in my room by seven, I’m good.”

A few hours would be nice.

“Okay.” I was still unsure, but I needed sleep. If I became a zombie, the world was in trouble.

There was a stampede up the stairs.

“Dude!” Tom, Nick, and Pete rushed in, breathless. “Man! We—oh.”

They saw me, and it was like they’d hit an invisible wall.

Tom gave me a nod. “Hey, Mackenzie. How’s it going?”

Pete rubbed his forehead.

Nick rolled his eyes to the ceiling.

Tom frowned, glancing at them. “What?”

Ryan took two steps toward him and punched him in the shoulder. “You’re being weird. Don’t be weird.”

“Ouch!” Tom rubbed where he’d gotten hit. “What was that for?”

“We were talking.” Ryan wasn’t messing around. He glared at Tom. “What do you want?”

Nick and Pete began snickering.

Tom shot them a look, his hand falling away from his shoulder. “We got a text. Mullaly is having a party, and the girls are going over there.” His eyes lit up again, and he turned toward me. “You want to go, Mackenzie?”

But before I could answer, he was looking back at Ryan. “We were rushing up here because Nick’s brother said he’d get us booze, but we gotta go now. He’s heading to Lakeville for a college party—”

“Let’s go to the college party.” I winced. The words were out of my mouth before I realized what I was saying. What the hell was going on with me?

This was not me. I didn’t care about college parties. If I’d been to one before, it was because someone forced me or tricked me into going. I would’ve needed to be promised Taco Bell on the way home, and maybe I would’ve tried to go in my pajamas. A good fluffy robe was hella sexy.

Ryan’s eyes snapped to mine.

Tom’s eyes went round. “What?”

Ryan studied me a moment, as if he were looking for something I wasn’t sure was there. I don’t know whether he found it or not, but he turned to Nick. “Would that be okay with Ben, if we went with them?”

“Um . . .” Nick’s lip twisted.

“Let me ask him,” I suggested. Okay, then. I was throwing all caution to the wind.

The guys glanced at each other, and another round of: what the fuck am I doing? circulated my head.

I didn’t even think Willow would’ve done this, or maybe she would have. Maybe she wouldn’t have been happy with tackling the seniors. She might’ve moved on to college guys. I knew she’d started talking to one before we moved. Duke didn’t know it, but he’d been about to be dumped. Sorry, Duke.

I wanted . . . something different.

Apparently, a college party was it for me.

“Nah. Um . . .” Nick frowned. “I’ll text him quick.” He glanced at Ryan before adding more quietly, “I can tell him you’re coming.”

Ryan’s jaw clenched, and he jerked up a shoulder. “That’s fine.”

I glanced between the two, noticing how quiet everyone else got. “Uh, what’s going on?”

They all looked at Ryan, who shook his head briefly. “It’s nothing. Ben’s a big b-ball fan. He’ll want to shoot the shit with me for a bit.”

“Oh.” There was more. I could tell, but after a quick scan, I could tell no one would speak on it. Some unspoken situation had just materialized, and I wasn’t in on it.

Nick’s phone beeped a second later.

“Yeah.” He looked around the room. “He said we could go, but we gotta move now.”

The guys flew around, preparing to change from their trunks to their regular clothes. They forgot I was in the room until Ryan snapped at them. Tom and Nick’s hands were pushing their swim shorts down, and they froze.

I threw up a hand and looked at the floor. “I’m good. I’ll grab some clothes and get ready downstairs.”

“Hey.” Ryan followed me into the hallway, making sure his door was shut. “You sure about this?”

I jerked up a shoulder. “I think it’s safe to say I’m up for anything right about now.”

Robbie was going to his new school this week. I’d be going to mine.

Who the fuck cared? Right?

“Mackenzie . . .”

I clipped my head to the side. “I’ll be ready in a few minutes.”

“If you’re sure.” His eyes were heavy with concern, and the look warmed me, but he was talking to me like I was normal.

Normal died in my twin sister’s puddle of blood.

I slipped away, grabbing some clothes from my suitcase in his truck. I’d planned on using a random downstairs bathroom, but the