I Have Lived and I Have Loved - Willow Winters Page 0,266

How they judged him.

I clear my throat and rub my palms on my jeans. “Anyway.” I tell her the basic rundown. “I did alright in school, B student mostly. I wasn’t really interested. I guess I was kind of quiet.”

“And you’re a mechanic?” Robin asks, and I nod my head.

“Yeah, I’ve always loved working on cars and bikes. It made sense.” I nod my head and remember the shop just sitting there, but the bills aren’t going away. “I enjoy working for myself but the downsides are the long hours and the lack of socializing.”

“Are you a social butterfly?” Robin asks with a bit of humor. A rough laugh rumbles up my chest as I shake my head.

“Never really been into crowds,” I answer her honestly.

“Not a lot of friends?” she asks.

“I’m not a loner like Jay,” I answer her, feeling defensive. “A few guys work for me at the shop and we hang out occasionally. I can take them or leave them. I guess I’m a bit of a loner after all.” I hadn’t realized it until she questioned me. The bartender at the local pub and Steve a mechanic looking for part-time work are my two closest friends. And of course Jay.

“I’m a loner,” Robin says, interrupting my thoughts. “I’m very much alone.” She gives me this sad smile.

“Why’s that?” I ask her. She shouldn’t be alone ever. I could talk to her for hours and hours every day and be content with nothing else. She’s the type of person you feel like you already know before she even lays eyes on you. She should definitely never be alone.

“I don’t know why,” she tells me and then looks down at the sheet. She stretches her back and then asks me, “Do you like to be alone at night?”

“Not in particular,” I answer without thinking about anything other than her company in the evening. “I wouldn’t mind company at night,” I say and my blood heats as she holds my gaze and fire sparks between us.

“Why do you leave at night?” she asks me like it’s a sin.

My brow furrows, and the pit of my stomach fills with guilt. “Do you want me to stay?” I ask her.

Her eyes search mine for a minute, as if she’s not sure of the right answer. It fucking guts me.

“You love Jay?” I ask her, changing the subject and putting the attention back onto her. I know she does. It’s why I can never have her. Why I feel compelled to carry on with this charade.

“I do,” she says and my blood turns to ice. It’s one more reason I need to leave. When I peek back up at her, she looks as though she’s going to cry. It happens almost every day. When she breaks down and holds back from me.

I hate it. It keeps me coming back to her because I want to be the one to help her. The one she leans on. The one she leaves with.

I know I should tell her that it’s okay. That it’s natural to love him. That he loves her, too. But those aren’t the words that come out of my mouth.

“I really hate that you get so upset. I just want to help you so you can move past this.” So she can get away from Jay. I keep the thought to myself, but it’s true. I want to keep her far away from him. But right now, she feels she needs him. She feels for him.

“Then help me, John,” she says with a strained voice. Like she’s so close, yet so far away.

“Tell me what you need,” I tell her. And I mean it. I don’t want her to be upset or hurt in any way. She’s a strong, beautiful woman who should be happy. The past is where it’s supposed to be, and she should know she deserves happiness.

“I need you to remember,” she whispers and stares deep into my eyes.

“Remember what?” I ask her, my heart beating slow and my body heating. It’s fear that keeps me still. Fear that I’m somehow involved in what happened all those years ago. I’ve tried so many times to think back to how I know this woman, but nothing comes to mind.

I must though, because she calls to me in a way I can’t deny.

She gives me a small smile, but it’s sad. Everything about her is a beautiful shade of sadness. “Can you tell me what you know of me again?”