I Have Lived and I Have Loved - Willow Winters Page 0,166

you if you’re going to leave me.”

That is the bottom line to all my issues. When I care about someone, they’re gone. If I fall in love with him and lose him, I don’t know if I’ll endure.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good.”

“So, was tonight better than the first time? Or do I need to go again to be sure?” His brow raises, and I smack his chest.

“Yes, Eli, your performance was stellar.”

“Medal worthy?”

I push onto my elbow, but he pulls me back down. “You’re such a guy.”

“I damn well better be. I’m pretty confident I just proved it as well. How many orgasms was that? Two?”

Three, but I’m not telling him that. His ego is already inflated. “You should know if you were gifting them out.”

“I’m like fucking Santa Claus, only I come every night with your presents.”

I burst out laughing and roll off his chest. He shifts so he’s braced over me and gives me a brilliant smile.

“You’re really lucky you’re so hot. If you keep saying shit like that, no woman is going to stick around.”

Eli’s emerald eyes pierce mine. “There’s only one woman I’m worried about right now.”

I smile, wrap my arms around his neck, and pull him in for a kiss. “Good answer.”

His stomach growls even louder than the first time. He pulls back with a different need in his eyes. “On second thought . . . what kind of food do you have?”

“How do you feel about junk food?” I ask.

I throw on Eli’s T-shirt and hop out of bed. I’m a closet junk food freak. There’s something about cookies that I can’t quit no matter how many hours I have to spend at the gym to burn off the calories. We make our way into the kitchen, grab a few things, and plop on the couch.

“No judging.” I point at him. “I like food.”

His hands rise. “None here.”

I take the first Double Stuffed Oreo out and twist the cookie apart. The obvious thing would be to lick the icing before eating the cookie part, however, that isn’t how I roll. Instead, I grab one of the Chips Ahoy cookies and place it between the two halves, making an Oreo and Chips Ahoy cookie sandwich. I like chocolate chip cookies, and I love the icing from Oreos—so, this is my perfect cookie.

Eli watches as I take a bite, a moan filling the silence. Heaven in my mouth.

“Did you just orgasm?” he asks with a throaty chuckle.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

I scarf down two more cookies that way without feeling self-conscious at all. Eli doesn’t make me feel guilty or as if I shouldn’t be eating these things. Matt would always remind me that I wasn’t in college anymore and my figure wouldn’t remain. Just another vast difference in them.

“Your sister looked good,” Eli says before he pops a chip in his mouth.

I nod. “Today was a good day, yesterday wasn’t.”

“Does she have more good than bad?”

I sigh and drop the Frankensteined Oreo I’m making. I wish I could tell him that she did, but the last few months have definitely been weighted toward bad. “Huntington’s doesn’t usually get better. It gets progressively worse. Because Steph was so young when she presented, we were told the decline would most likely be like falling off a cliff.”

Eli takes my hand in his, probably hearing the pain in my voice. “What does that mean?”

“That once she starts to go downhill, it’ll be very hard and fast. There won’t be weeks and months of her suffering, though. That’s the one thing she says is her silver lining. I don’t know if it’s better or worse that way. I’ve had a few years with her symptoms being pretty mild, but I can’t say watching her struggle isn’t the worst part. I don’t know how I’ve survived so far. When my parents died, we didn’t have a warning. There was no time to worry. With Stephanie it’s the opposite, I’m literally watching her life slip away. I’ve been doing it with no one to help me keep it together.”

His fingers go limp and he pulls his hand up, rubbing it with the other. “I wish I could say something to make this easier for you.”

I shrug even though nothing we’re talking about feels casual. “Tell me you’re not going to leave me, Eli. Because I can’t let myself keep falling for you if this is only going to end with you walking out the door.”

“Come here,” he says as he opens his