I Have Lived and I Have Loved - Willow Winters Page 0,150

see is want and need. Not doubt.

The words feel foreign, but they’re exactly what I know I need to say. This isn’t a line of bullshit I’m spoon feeding her, it’s the truth. “I want you. I want you so much that it’s going to fucking kill me to say this, but I don’t want to just fuck you.”

“What?” Her eyes widen, and she quickly covers her chest.

I’m definitely kicking my own ass later.

“I feel like we’re making progress, and I promised you we wouldn’t have sex. I said we were going on a date.”

Heather eyes me curiously, probably wanting to pull my man card and toss it overboard. Hell, I want to pull it myself, but I see something else.

Maybe hesitation.

Maybe a little doubt.

I also see a hint of respect.

For the first time in a long time, I revel in that last one.

She unhooks her leg and scoots off me so she’s sitting next to me again. I watch as she re-ties her bikini, which makes me want to cry a little, and wait for her to say something. When she finally looks over, she smiles. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet, I’m seriously regretting it.” I smile. I am, but I go for a more joking tone.

Heather giggles nervously, shifting again so her legs are under her. “I don’t think you know what you just did truly means to me, Ellington.” My cock strains against my board shorts when she says my full name in her soft voice. “I would’ve . . .” She stares off at the horizon before looking back. “I wouldn’t have stopped you, and I probably would’ve hated myself for being so weak when it comes to you.”

“I’m not sure it’s you who’s weak.”

That’s the truth, right there. I’m the fool who is chasing around a girl. Heather wasn’t the one who showed up at my house, repeatedly, forced me to go on a date with her, or spent a week trying to negotiate a deal, only to take less money so she could get the fuck home to Tampa. I can lie and say it wasn’t because I wanted to see her, but I won’t. It felt like there was a magnet pulling me back to where she was. Heather may not see it, but I’m clearly fucked here.

“I keep waiting to wake up from this dream. That a guy like you could even look twice at a girl like me. More than that, I want to be close to you, even when I shouldn’t.” Heather sighs and then gets to her feet. “Don’t mistake my pushing you away to mean that I’m not weak to you.”

I get to my feet and pull her into my arms. “I don’t. I know you want this as much as I do. I know that even though you keep fighting me off, you’re fighting yourself more. I heard what you said about your life, but I’m not running away.”

Her hands rest on my chest, and she tilts her head back to look at me. “I hope you mean it, because I’m kind of liking the idea of you sticking around.”

“Ahhh,” I squeeze her tighter. “I knew I’d wear you down.”

“I guess I have a thing for actors who were once upon a time in a kickass boy band.”

“Once upon a time?”

She shrugs. I’ll give her once upon a time. “I’ll have you know I’m multi-platinum. I’m more than kick ass.”

“If you say so.” She smirks.

She’s going to pay for this.

“That’s it.” I move quickly, bending to hoist her into my arms. Then I walk with her toward the edge of the boat. “Say you’re sorry!”

“You wouldn’t dare!” Heather yells.

“Wouldn’t I?”

I wouldn’t throw her in, but I would jump so we both went together.

“Eli!”

“Say it, Heather. Say, ‘Eli is the best singer in the world and every artist should bow to his talent.’”

I’m laying it on thick, but I want to hear those words from her lips.

“You’re insane!” She laughs, and I move her closer to the edge. “Eli! Stop! Please!”

“This could all be over if you just say the words,” I admonish her playfully.

She clutches the waistband of my shorts and yells again. “Please, I can’t swim!”

I quickly put her down and grip her shoulders. “I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have really done it.”

She bursts out laughing, clutching her stomach. “Who the hell lives in Florida and can’t swim? You’re so gullible!”

I move forward, but she moves quickly to the side. We play cat and mouse for